The Road To Wigan Pie Continued

This is the picture I sent me mam.

This is the picture I sent me mam.

So, this is what t’big fookin’ ponce has been up to lately then?

We just thought he’d found some right good porn and didn’t want to share.

Anyway, I’ve “borrowed” his laptop while he’s getting oiled down by some of t’backroom staff, it’s time to put to rights some serious fookin’ issues affecting rugby at t’mo':

Meat pies.

I’ve heard some Aussie second-rater, I reckon he’s called “Bunny Rabbit” – stupid fookin’ name – has been bangin’ on about meat pies.

What the fook would he know about meat pies? Have you seen what them bastards do to a meat pie?

They take a (probably right dodgy, filled with dog food or kangaroo or summat) meat pie, cover it in red sauce, and plonk it in a bowl of green slime.

What t’fook is that all about?

It’s rhyming slang for “try”?

What t’fook are t’convicts doing using rhyming slang?

Tha’s for soft southern cockney bastards, them’s like on t’telly.

You know t’ones, them’s tha’s not on Corrie.

Dylan tells me that some Aussie bird really fancies me. Yawanay (not sure how you spell it) her name is. Sounds exotic! Get yer coat Ash lad, you’ve pulled!

Right, I’ve been hearing with my ears that punters want to know what’s so difficult about a right wing being shunted out of position and having his try-scoring form ruined by that bastard Lancaster, sorry, moved to play on t’left.

It’s hard to explain this to them’s that’s not got a good academic background in League, but I’m going to give it my best shot.

You know right, when you’re lookin’ in t’mirror right?

Did you know that your face was on backwards?

Fookin’ mental, but I swear it’s t’truth. It’s a bit like that.

When you’re on t’right, t’crowd’s to your right, and the lads are to your left.

If you look down carefully, your right boot’s nearer t’touchline than your left.

Now, when some fookin’ bastard shunts you out to t’left, everything changes.

Suddenly, t’crowds on your left, your fookin’ left, and the lads are all fookin’ miles away on t’right. When you look down you get all fookin’ dizzy ‘cos your feet are on backwards. Your left boot is nearer t’touchline than your right.

So, it’s like t’mirror thing only much worse…

Your whole fookin’ body is on backwards.

Chris Ashton donated his fee for this column, just can’t remember where.

About sagmog

Just the facts, man.
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393 Responses to The Road To Wigan Pie Continued

  1. avsfan says:

    Yes, I’m not sure a double post secures a blog steal. We’ll need to wait for sag to adjudicate.

    Shibui – lurker turned poster? Welcome. It seems a Japanese music tangent is now a possibility.

  2. avsfan says:

    @tt: I agree. For McCarthy, I thought The Road ended on a high note.

  3. Shibui says:

    Wouldn’t want to claim one if it did, but a tangent on Japanese music would be a fine way to round off the evening.

  4. tomtrumps says:

    I only know Shonen Knife and note they recently released a new LP. Any good?

  5. ghostlightross says:

    I listen to a few stupidly bouncy Japanese ska bands, Muramasa and the like. On the other end of the scale I’m also into Gallhammer.

  6. Shibui says:

    If you mean ‘Pop Tune’, then it’s what you’d expect from a Shonen Knife album: catchy, hook-laden, scrappy, frayed around the edges, pop-punk with girlish vocals. It has a certain charm, especially lyrically.

  7. ghostlightross says:

    Speaking of Shonen Knife I’ve beencurious about them for a while. Where would be a good place to start with them?

  8. Shibui says:

    Ghostlightross – do you know Ego-Wrappin? Nice Osaka jazz outfit who’ve recently incorporated some ska into their music. Very charismatic and Osakan female singer. You might like them.

  9. rossb says:

    Oops using the wrong username there :)

  10. rossb says:

    @Shibui Not heard of them. I’ll have to hit Youtube tomorrow I guess.

  11. Shibui says:

    I’d start with 712, which has a fun cover of the Beatles’ ‘Rain’ and some of their more witty lyrics, and good guest musicians too.

  12. Shibui says:

    as an introduction to Shonen Knife, I mean. Sorry, should have made that clear.

  13. tomtrumps says:

    I had a couple of singles a few years ago, probably around the time Kurt Cobain became a bit of a cheerleader. Always enjoyed the pop sound, so may give the new one a go. Nice tangent Shibui!

  14. boomkingish says:

    Ha! Lost in Translation had me off buying a replacement copy of Psychocandy , which was all the rage in my uni days and had gone missing not long after I bought it. Must say it didn’t have quite the same impact 25 years later…

    Japanese music threads should come with a warning for diabetics:

  15. sunbeamtim says:

    Before i read any background , all i have to say is New Model Army for music of the evening, and yakusa girls for piccies . also drinking a Hartford beer , City Steam , Blonde on Blonde , very tasty , very hoppy , a touch too strong , after a rare evening out with friends .

    Hook

  16. sunbeamtim says:

    Rare chance at blog steal , one line lurker

  17. sunbeamtim says:

    paul grayson > wilko

  18. sunbeamtim says:

    feaster > deano

  19. sunbeamtim says:

    all mine , all mine

  20. sunbeamtim says:

    more than happy if manu is out , as we can develop other options , and blame loss to Sweaties on Manus injury , while surreptisiously looking for a replacemnet . seen very few games this season , but have a desire to see May in the side , think hes class .and Steffon , if you are listening Lanky .

  21. sunbeamtim says:

    Jesus and Mary Chain ? See you Sisters and raise Godsmack .

  22. sunbeamtim says:

    Steal/Kill .

  23. sunbeamtim says:

    Damn , only partially rehabhillitated (s?) , and i read Thaum about the Famine . Trail of Tears me dears , and the O’Sullivan Beare Trail . Fuck . Jesus , help me in my hour of need .The Fatal Shore is a fine read , if you have missed Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee, and Avs will probably provide a Moari/Maoriori Tome .

  24. sunbeamtim says:

    Oh ffs , not only do we hqve to deal with my rantings , but some twat is overdogging on the Grauniad . Wouldnt happen in my Day .

  25. avsfan says:

    Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee is perhaps the most depressing books I have read. Death by a thousand cuts. I made the mistake of going there once, which wasn’t exactly an uplifting experience either.

    Once Were Warriors would rate as a Kiwi equivalent.

  26. sunbeamtim says:

    Have to say , Once Were Warriors in real life far scarier . In terms of reality , it is probably the nastiest film i have seen , bar none .

  27. sunbeamtim says:

    Once Were Warriors probably the nastiest film i have ever seen . True .
    Greybeard .

  28. boomkingish says:

    Please don’t get DCC started on nasty films…

  29. boomkingish says:

    Avs – for an equally bleak follow-up to Wounded Knee there’s always Peter Matthiessen’s “In the Spirit of Crazy Horse” and “Indian Country”. Different century, same old thing. The NZ equivalent would be Judith Binney “Encircled Lands” (about how the NZ govt stitched up Tuhoe).

  30. michaelw448 says:

    Sorry, ignore this I’m just trying to see if this avatar thing works

  31. michaelw448 says:

    Ah well. Getting back to the Biafran theme, I loved Half of a Yellow Sun found it extremely powerful and moving but overall really bleak

  32. tichtheid says:

    Morning all – Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee is a must-read. I’ve only seen the film of Once Were Warriors, and yep, it’s a doozy.

    Shoe Gazing music – Cocteau Twins, My Bloody Valentine.

    The only Japanese band I know is the 5.6.7.8.s and that’s from Kill Bill. A mate did recommend Melt Banana, but I just couldn’t bring myself to ask for them in my local record shop, although if they were to found anywhere it would have been in there.
    Now there is something depressing, if I can be so flippant, this music shop was all the best bits of the shop in “High Fidelity” – very knowledgeable and friendly staff who were real enthusiasts and were only too willing to help you find what you were after but without any snobbery at all. They closed a year ago due to downloading and online sales skipping out of vat and the like. I used to buy a lot of vinyl from them. They also promoted gigs for small bands and sold tickets for the bigger guys. The shop is still empty and I get a little sad every time I walk past it.

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