The View From Behind The Sofa: A Scottish Perspective

Has Nick DeLuca Completed A Try Scoring Pass?

NDL001

Nick DeLuca after attempting a pass

Reports are coming in from Edinburgh that Scottish International Professional Rugby Union player, Nick DeLuca, may have completed a scoring pass. Although these reports are unconfirmed at present, they are being widely read by a disbelieving nation across most social media, and The Hootsman.

NDL003

Nick DeLuca after attempting a pass

When asked by reporters if this was potentially true, former Scottish International Chris Paterson, declined to comment as he’s not a religious man. However, the “Miracle of Murrayfield” as it has now been dubbed, may be starting to cause some problems within the Scotland camp. A SRU insider has described Euan Murray stalking the corridors of Murrayfield holding a St. James’ Bible aloft exclaiming “The book! The book!”, and “Blasphemy! Blasphemy!” When asked for comment Murray mumbled “Something something Catholic something.” It’s not known quite what he meant by this.

NDL002

Nick DeLuca after attempting a pass

Meanwhile, the SRU have put out an appeal that the recipient of this pass please come forward as a matter of urgency. Although there have been a few promising leads, thus far no-one has come forward.

When asked for his opinion on this potentially epoch defining moment, James Haskell asked, “Who?”

Six Nations News

Spurtel001

How a wooden spurtle may look

The Six Nations Executive Committee have been looking at proposals to honour the Scotland rugby team. The front running idea is to replace the wooden spoon with a wooden spurtle in recognition of Scotland’s pioneering work making the other five nations look good. A source in the committee said, “It’s very much on the agenda. Moving forward, it is something the team are definitely interested in actioning.”

More VFBTS coming soonish, maybe, depends if Chek gets his arse in gear.
Advertisements

About sagmog

Just the facts, man.
This entry was posted in James' Unwanted Guests. Bookmark the permalink.

360 Responses to The View From Behind The Sofa: A Scottish Perspective

  1. meadesian says:

    It’ll be somewhere in that region Claw. Much the same as LOTR, except that was a dramatisation of a 1000 page book, whereas the Hobbit is very considerably shorter. It’s sounding a bit like that film where the shooting itself became the story…mexican theme or something I think?

  2. thaumaturge says:

    Dermott – have tried faffing around with the double-cooking theory and did not taste an appreciable difference. So no – just got them out at the right time.

  3. elsnoopio says:

    I like Freeman but I’m deeply unconvinced about the Hobbit.
    Wifey is desperate to see it though so I’ll be seeing it soon.

  4. titimanionga says:

    Mr Meades

    Fitzcarraldo! Let’s all push that steam boat up a muddy hill. Mental.

  5. titimanionga says:

    Snoops!

    I saw that ad for IAWL in colour. Bastards. Utter bastards.

  6. meadesian says:

    Meanwhile, on another tangent, you’ll all be thrilled to hear that as I’m on leave next week I am taking myself down to London town, and have lined up a guided tour of the Barbican, as well as a self-guided trek around some of North London/Camden’s finest modernist council housing. Deeply excited.

  7. thaumaturge says:

    Dermott

    Yup. Plays Watson to Cumberbatch’s Holmes, played Tim in The Office. Best thing in The Office. Here he is:

    Perhaps the fact that I don’t have a telly explains why I haven’t heard of him.

    I go round the mister’s to watch the rugby, unless it’s on Sky, in which case we invade the bastard-mate-who-supports-Murdoch’s gaff.

  8. dermott says:

    @thaumaturge

    It should if you’re using good floury spuds. I do them at about 120C till they’re just ever-so-faintly golden. Then drain them, stick ’em in the fridge to chill ’em, than put them back in at 180C till crisp and golden. They’re crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside.

    Look away now, Claw.

    Blumenthal triple cooks his. Gently parboils then chills. Then follows the above method. Haven’t tried it. Might one day when I’ve got too much time on my hands.

  9. meadesian says:

    Ah, Fitzcarraldo, that’s it. Cheers Claw, that was already bugging me no end.

  10. dermott says:

    Perhaps the fact that I don’t have a telly explains why I haven’t heard of him.

    Could do.

  11. dermott says:

    Fitzcarraldo! Mad film. Mad mad mad.

  12. sagmog says:

    I use the Heston method.
    But then I was using it long before the bald bespectacled fraud was even cooking.
    It’s been knocking around for about a hundred years.
    Par boil, blanche in oil, fry in oil.
    Heston can suck my greasy fried one.

  13. dermott says:

    I’ll send him a link.

  14. elsnoopio says:

    @Claws

    I saw that ad for IAWL in colour. Bastards. Utter bastards.

    I’m against capital punishment… but hanging is too good for whoever is behind it.

  15. titimanionga says:

    Mr Meades – you heading up to Abbey Road’s council houses beside the railway line? They’re impressive behemoths. Hope you enjoy yourself, good sir. The Barbican makes me think of some kind of Logan Run-esque dystopic future. So there.

  16. boomkingish says:

    Dermott and Avs – maybe you guys can get around the saturated book market thing by swapping genres? Avs can write Eat, Drink, Cast, Pray about the difficulties of catching trout while pissed, which is of course a metaphor for a tongue-tied hillbilly from UnZud and his search for love and understanding in the land of the garrulous.
    Meanwhile Dermott can write a long meditation on the selection of appropriate footwear for an expedition to the
    pescheria, with extended reminiscing about footwear worn in the past in similar circumstances in similar and yet subtly different parts of the world, and the possibility of even today obtaining such footwear through bespoke manufacturers, coincidentally including the custom Outfitters whose equipment appears in every photo throughout the book.

  17. sagmog says:

    I’ll send him a link.

    Don’t.
    He’ll make a strawberry puree, stuff it into gelatine skins, sous vide it at 62.3 degrees, and after 34.31 hours finish it over a high heat to give it a finish.
    It’ll look like a pork sausage, but wait, wait, no really, wait, tastes like burnt strawberry jelly.
    *rapturous applause*

    Fuck off before I toe you in the baws.

  18. elsnoopio says:

    @HairBearHero

    One thing I really admire about Baldy once he gets going is that he always seems to be convinced that he’s winning the argument, evidence to the contrary be damned!

    Well I wouldn’t say he is losing it either, though he’s outnumbered – both sides in it are doing exactly the same thing.
    None of them really know what the true positions are so they’re all convinced that which ever version of a journalists opinion best suits them is the truth and the other person is an idiot.
    There is probably an interesting experiment for a psychologist in it, seeing how quickly people fall back on blind prejudice to support their argument when there aren’t facts available – English = greedy, arrogant bastards, Celts = grasping weaklings who can’t survive without leaching off the English.

  19. dermott says:

    @boomking

    They both scream best-sellers at me. You’re mad giving away your ideas on the internet.

  20. dermott says:

    And I still want to know who visited us from Estonia today.

  21. sagmog says:

    both sides in it are doing exactly the same thing.

    Why it is, and has been, a completely futile exercise.
    Let’s wait and see the solution, then have a bunfight.

  22. thaumaturge says:

    Dermott – Jeebus, that’s far too much effort. I am lazy.

    I use Lady Balfours; not floury, but the best you can get in this benighted England – a good all-round potato. They make nice roasties too.

    (Me cousin is an organic farmer in Antrim and is capable of going on for hours about the relative merits of different spuds. Don’t tell the English as it will only fuel spud-eating stereotypes.)

  23. titimanionga says:

    Snoops – there is indeed a socio-anthropological experiment in there, giving regard to the concept of imperialism and the sense of ‘other’, but quite frankly, I don’t think anyone should bother.

    Dermott – just saw you noted that someone lurked from Estonia! Brilliant stuff. You should give us a weekly round up of top lurking countries

  24. titimanionga says:

    Oh, and I mean noted earlier, not one minute before me.

  25. thaumaturge says:

    Regarding lurkers from odd places: on another blog I frequent, we have come to the conclusion that a lot of these ‘foreigners’ are probably using proxies to spoof their locations.

  26. dermott says:

    Today’s Views

    United Kingdom 1,306
    Ireland 145
    United States 88
    France 39
    Germany 35
    Australia 34
    Canada 29
    New Zealand 18
    Netherlands 12
    Spain 7
    South Africa 2
    Malaysia 1

    Last spot seems to alternate. Today it had Estonia with 1. Still, Malaysia’s not bad either.

  27. elsnoopio says:

    @Claws
    You’re probably right. I’m trying to think up some useful point to the ongoing saga of rugby’s most pointless argument.

  28. elsnoopio says:

    @thaumaturge
    Don’t ruin it for us with your talk of proxy servers.

  29. dermott says:

    Regarding lurkers from odd places: on another blog I frequent, we have come to the conclusion that a lot of these ‘foreigners’ are probably using proxies to spoof their locations.

    I was thinking the same thing. If Nigeria makes the list, we can expect an email offering us $25,000,000 if we sent them $10,000 to cover postage.

  30. titimanionga says:

    I just checked our Deity’s Twitter page to see if he is in Malaysia. He is not. He does however, offer up some gems (amongst many, many rough diamonds):

    If you want results from hard work, don’t tweet about it. Just get on with it.

    Pre match physio room. Treatment, BANTER and a DVD

    I hate small life syndrome, yes we know you have your own business, yes we know you are empowered, and how busy. Just pipe down.

    Just heard about protien ice cream, why was I not told about this. Who is to blame, I want some.

    The Legend.

  31. thaumaturge says:

    Dermott – just to pour a little more cold water on – as if it wasn’t fucking cold enough today – those page views will include refreshes, repeat visits, etc.

    Sorry snoop. 😉

  32. thaumaturge says:

    That’s brilliant, Titi. One wonder if he means ‘protein’ or ‘protean’ ice cream.

  33. titimanionga says:

    Thaum – I also wonder if ‘protein ice cream’ was something told to him by someone who doesn’t like him – given the, erm, connotations of a protein cream…..

  34. titimanionga says:

    One way or the other, he’s going to DOMINATE the shit out of that frosty protean bastard. Banter, Squared.

  35. laraxwell says:

    Heston’s ideal method for cooking steak takes 18 hours
    Great for a Heinken Cup weekend

    I assume the Estonians and Vietnamese are here looking for advice on woodworking
    or perhaps they want to buy a cheap sofa?

  36. thaumaturge says:

    18 hours? Is that the tantric method?

    On that note, I am, erm, off to bed.

  37. meadesian says:

    If you want results from hard work, don’t tweet about it. Just get on with it.

    Physician, heal thyself.

    Pre match physio room. Treatment, BANTER and a DVD

    James, I am sad to say there is no treatment for your condition – terminal f’cking moronism.

    I hate small life syndrome, yes we know you have your own business, yes we know you are empowered, and how busy. Just pipe down.

    I’m not actually sure if this means what I think it means, but if it does, then James confirms himself as the Greg Marmalard of English rugby, and we all know what happened to Greg.

  38. emersonsipa says:

    Just a quick note to say congratulations to all involved – this alternate reality really is the bizzo.
    I thought (naively) that the posting rate here would resemble what it was prior to the Nesting Exodus so didn’t drop by for a few days – and here you all are, having the proverbial whale of a time, talking rugby, swapping recipes and slagging Baldy.

    I doubt I’ll be going back to the Graun’s pages unless we can’t get the Breakdown copied here.

    Good on yez all.

  39. Cian Healy – 2013 Lions on field captain

  40. Kocktopuss says:

    I’m fairly indifferent to Heston. Some of the stuff he does is impressive in it’s technicality but not being able to taste a damn thing as you watch leaves me cold a lot of the time. Oh, so the steak you made isn’t a steak but tastes of honey-drizzled parsnips? Fuck all good that does me. The other half loves him though.

    Those Haskell tweets – fuck me. Here we are trying to out-James him and he raises the bar yet again. What a competitor.

    Looking forward to the Hobbit myself but with much trepidation. Loved the LOTR book (from about page 300+ on, anyway. Tom Bomabdil? Fuck. Right. Off.) and the films but the idea of taking a much smaller book and making it into three similar length films is… risky. I’ll give Peter Jackson the benefit of the doubt though.

  41. re: Heston the cooking scientist, d’ya reckon he could do something with my username??

  42. I aint no chef or scientist, but I reckon I could come up with an idea or 2

  43. will also go see the hobbit, seen the LOTR on release dates, not as enthused about the Hobbit

  44. avsfan says:

    Avs can write Eat, Drink, Cast, Pray about the difficulties of catching trout while pissed, which is of course a metaphor for a tongue-tied hillbilly from UnZud and his search for love and understanding in the land of the garrulous.

    Brilliant, and simple. The germ of an idea. You’ll get mention in the credits.

  45. avsfan says:

    And I still want to know who visited us from Estonia today.

    A big boobed lesbian?

  46. boomkingish says:

    A brilliant html fail perhaps, Avs.

    Cian Healy – 2013 Lions on field captain

    Didn’t the Lions make Ciaran Fitzgerald captain for a campaign in NZ on the grounds that he was a Military Officer? Was only a problem because they felt obliged to let him play, but in a post-SCW world there should be no problem with taking a full squad of non-playing specialists.

  47. boomkingish says:

    Tom Bomabdil? Fuck. Right. Off.

    Crash – meet Radagast the Brown played as Jar Jar Binks. Enjoy your three hours.

  48. avsfan says:

    Have no intention of going anywhere near the movie. People who like this sort of stuff smack too much of the comic shop guy from the Simpsons.

    Call me old fushioned, but I like my movie plots to be credible, not with holes in it you could slide a semi trailer through sideways.

  49. deebee7 says:

    So you can have another hit from South Africa!

  50. deebee7 says:

    That probably doesn’t sound right, coming from a Bok supporter, (despite us getting the fewest yellow cards and bannings of the BIG 4 SH sides this year – dining out on that, my good fellows).

    I did a dirty thing and went and read the Guardian article on Gatland’s coaching team 17 comments! Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! One of them was mine. I feel dirty all of a sudden – it’s like watching porn when you have a gorgeous, attentive and devoted girlfriend (as I do). Makes you feel all guilty.

    Anyway, back to matters more mundane than the inner angst of guilty Saffer. I had to have a wry smile with the discussions about balance in the side – having to ensure that each of the four unions gets a prominent role and at least a sprinkling of players. Coming from a country that has quotas as part of its sporting legislation, I ma only too well aware of how this can create tensions, create factions and no small amount of resentment. It needs to be handled carefully, especially if one or two players with large egos are sidelined in order to create this kind of balance.

  51. deebee7 says:

    Sorry about the appalling spelling and grammar. I need more coffee.

  52. sagmog says:

    I need more coffee.

    I tuned in to the Eng-Ind cricket when I got up, coffee’s not getting it done watching this.
    I need methamphetamine.

  53. Kocktopuss says:

    @boomking

    Tom Bomabdil? Fuck. Right. Off.

    Crash – meet Radagast the Brown played as Jar Jar Binks. Enjoy your three hours.

    Oh no. Oh dear Dog no….

    Saw what I assumed to be Radagast in the trailer but it never even occured to me that it would go down that avenue.

    Mesa greatly aworried now.

  54. deebee7 says:

    I need methamphetamine.

    I think we probably all do after a year like this one! Cricket’s looking interesting – a couple of wickets and India will sense they’ve got control of proceedings, but KP there at the end of the day – game over.

  55. Kocktopuss says:

    Just had a look at the Lions blog.

    One clown reckons the Irish sides are “immoral”.

    Why? Because for a small rugby playing nation the fact we have four teams instead of two and have actively prevented ourselves from becoming a giant auction block for the French sides is somehow “immoral”. The inference being we should be losing players to France left, right and centre like the Welsh sides. And yet the same guy thinks we’re “doing something right” because the Irish sides have so many Heineken cups.

    Dog, it’s too early in the morning for that much of a cognative dissonance.

  56. elsnoopio says:

    @Crash
    I’m assuming he refers to the unhealthy love of the root vegetable so common in Ireland.
    Everyone knows that sort of love should be directed at pies.

    That poster is quite mad though, reading his ranting. He’s read that a league player made 101 tackles in 3 days therefore the only reason player welfare is an issue is because rugby players need to lose some weight.

  57. North London/Camden’s finest modernist council housing.

    Christ on a moped, Meades. Please tell me it’s not the Denton Estate. Which is as close to hell as can reasonably be built by man.

  58. LarryMilne says:

    Those Haskell tweets – fuck me. Here we are trying to out-James him and he raises the bar yet again. What a competitor.

    Astonishing.

Comments are closed.