That’ll be M’sieur Hairy Donkey to you!

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Iain Balshaw, of all people, told me to take a look at this blog, as I would discover what a true rugby player should look like. No wonder Iain drools about such physique, since he’s himself built like a toothpick on a hunger strike.

I am told this character is sometimes called Le Hasq. Only if hasq were French for preening arsehole. I find it insulting to be compared to this calendar boy. In my part of the world, this type of body is more often found on trucks’ mud flaps than on rugby pitches. As for him playing 8 – the less said the better. As Dimitri Y. always says, to play 8 requires a brain. The proof is in the pudding.

Anyway, what would Iain know about rugby? Dimitri calls him the Windscreen Wiper, for the way he “counter attacks”. He has all the penetration of a wet mosquito skating on a table-wax cloth. Dimitri also calls him the Abscissa after he nicknamed N’gwenya the Ordinate. Not everybody understands what he means but it’s Dimitri, so we all laugh.

Iain told me the Anglo-Saxons compared me with Hannibal Lecter after I played with a dog muzzle. Moi, silencing lambs? Never been accused of that. I come from the Pyrenees, where men are men and the sheep know it. Actually when I brought back home my first strayed sheep, my father contemplated her long lashes with misty eyes and quietly whispered: if only she could do the dishes. He’s always been a guidance to me and he never let anyone abuse me, on or off the pitch. Sometimes I wish Zidane had a father like mine. I heave a Gallic sigh. Dommage.

PSA is soon to announce his squad. But Dimitri told me that although Bonnaire has hung up his internationals boots and this Chabal fraud is back to Pro D2 where he belongs, I won’t be in it. Dimitri always knows. Putain! I thought that after Bernie Le Dingue and Mad Marc, the French selectors could not get worse but now I have the proof. Moi, not in the squad? I don’t see how they can beat the Irish in Dublin and the English in Twickenham without me. This Picamoles is a tractor, okay, but he’s sooooo slow!

The rest of the squad would waltz into any other 6 Nations team, so I’m not too worried. Except for the absence of Servat. The Paris shampoo boy could not throw a pizza into an open mine pit.

PSA’s probable team: Domingo, Szarzewski, Mas, Pape, Maestri, Dusautoir, Picamoles, Ouedraogo, Machenaud, Michalak, Fritz, Mermoz, Fofana, Clerc, Dulin.

Bench: Debaty, Keyser, Ducalcon, Chouly, Suta, Trinh-Duc, Parra, Huget

My team: Domingo, Szarzewski, Keyser, Mas, Pape, Maestri, Dusautoir, Picamoles, Harinordoquy, Ouedraogo, Machenaud, Yachvili, Michalak, Fritz, Mermoz, Fofana, Clerc, Dulin.

Bench: Debaty, Tolofua, Ducalcon, Chouly, Suta, Trinh-Duc, Parra, Huget

Now excuse me as I have to telephone L’Académie Française to have Le Hasq officially inserted into the language meaning preening arsehole.

– as related to and translated by flair99

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683 Responses to That’ll be M’sieur Hairy Donkey to you!

  1. Fergus says:

    oooh borg getting a bit of a going over….Racing look like a different team to usual

  2. Baldy says:

    Jeez sarries are getting ripped apart!

  3. sagmog says:

    Sweet baby Jeebus.
    Have RM got an extra man or something?

  4. avsfan says:

    Oh Dear

  5. Fergus says:

    clear knock on there but Rolland penalises Racing…crazy feckin referee

  6. sagmog says:

    Interesting that the last two tries have been scored in the corner Strettle vacated.
    I smell a big French rat.

  7. Canaryatthewharf says:

    This is getting a bit silly.

    What’s up with the Borg defence?

    Not sure what to think about this, I want Racing to win but I’m starting to worry about next week at Thomond.

    Prematurely as we still have to beat Edinburgh.

    Ah, the Borg just get another lifeline penalty.

    Where will this end up?

  8. dermott says:

    Yellow card. Silly boy.

  9. Fergus says:

    @ Canary

    you and me both, this isn’t the Racing we should have put away in Paris.

  10. avsfan says:

    Fucking idiot.

  11. sagmog says:

    Ah.
    The old “knock out the FH who’s ripping us a new one” gambit.
    Not impressed by that.

  12. avsfan says:

    It’s not so much Racing. They are only taking the opportunities Sarries are offering them on a plate.

  13. Canaryatthewharf says:

    Penalties being swapped again.

    Very strange game this.

    Could the Borg win by 12 or more penalties to 4 or 5 tries?

  14. avsfan says:

    How many times will Rolland penalise Racing for coming in from the side before pulling out a card?

  15. Canaryatthewharf says:

    Is Rolland on a bonus if there are more than 20 penalties on the scoreboard at the end?

  16. Baldy says:

    Hmmm, strange game, sublime & awful..

    Did anyone see the saints game last night, was lawes as good as reported?

  17. Canaryatthewharf says:

    The Borg starting to get a grip on the game now perhaps. Keeping the pressure on Racing and forcing errors from them. And now are a man up.

    Could be on level terms by half time or just after!

  18. avsfan says:

    Borg are hanging in there. If they can cut down the errors, they can win this one. No more tries for Racing, however.

  19. dermott says:

    @ Baldy

    Lawes was terrific early, doing good things all over the paddock. Less of a presence later but always contributing.

    @ sag

    This blog is really creaking. Are you going to put up a HC thing? I have the Italian thing ready to post.

  20. sagmog says:

    @Dermott
    On it, give me five.

  21. MichaelVaughanMyLord says:

    On way back from game.

    Can anyone comment on the first Connacht yellow? Looked harsh.

    Once again 6 scrum pens in 40 mins and no yellow. The pen try was completely correct, Connacht were getting march backwards over the line, take your medicine and concede the pushover try.

    Connacht fans around us were brilliant, fucking funny bastards.

  22. avsfan says:

    I would imagine a sense of humour is a prerequisite for Connacht fans.

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