Castro Unplugged

castro

Eh! I am disturbed. I am shaken to my radici. I come here willingly and free of charge to mix with my fans and what do I find? Shitload of homo-erotic love for the cazzo Haskell. You guys are sick. Sickos!

Beh, I’m here. But not for long. I don’t want to catch nothing. So what language you want? English? Italian? Spanish? East Midlands? Four languages! Who said you had to be un cretino like Dan Cole to wear 3 on your back?

Okay. The Six Nations are dietro l’angolo. What can I say? Love the Six Nations. Love it almost even more than I love a plate of the best Italian food in the Milky Way at this place which – um – I accidentally walked into one day when I was feeling like a plate of the best Italian food in the Milky Way. They even took my photo!

So where was I? Six Nations. Okay – oh, and I had a great bottle of Brunello di Montalcino at that place for only £59, beuuuuutiful wine, bargain price – anyway, so Brunel got off his culo francese and named our Six Nations squad:

FORWARDS: Martin Castrogiovanni, Lorenzo Cittadini, Alberto De Marchi, Andrea Lo Cicero, Michele Rizzo, Leonardo Ghiraldini, Davide Giazzon, Joshua Furno, Quintin Geldenhuys, Francesco Minto, Antonio Pavanello, Robert Barbieri, Paul Derbyshire, Simone Favaro, Sergio Parisse (captain), Ratu Manoa Seru Vosawai, Alessandro Zanni.

Great squad. If Ghiraldini don’t try to claw no one’s eyes out again. Dunno if Brunel named backs. Who cares? They’re all shit anyway. We forwards get ’em the ball, they go backwards, sideways, up their own arses! Porca Madonna!

Okay, forget the useless backs. We do. So now I give you sickos the benefit of Castro’s in-depth analysis of his beloved Azzurri‘s opposition this year:

SCOTLAND – coached by a wig. Beat ’em by 60. Just us forwards.

IRELAND – not enough Connacht players. Beat ’em by 30. Just us forwards.

WALES – got a long skinny streak of pelican shit on the wing that cries a lot. Beat ’em by 50. Just us forwards.

ENGLAND – not enough Sale players plus an ugly stronzo wearing 3. Beat ’em by 20. Just us forwards.

FRANCEnoi italiani taught ’em how to cook. Tutto chiaro. Beat ’em by 10. Just us forwards.

If we had backs good as us forwards we’d shit the 6 Nations in every year. Plus win the World Cup every time. And where would we go to celebrate? I – um – accidentally walked into this place one day when I was feeling like another plate of the best Italian food in the Milky Way. They took my photo too! And Geordan Murphy’s too. He was with me that day looking for the best Italian food in the Milky Way. He’s Irish. Said he couldn’t look at another potato.

Okay, sickos, I’m off before I catch something, but if you want a homo-erotic deity to worship, look no further:

castro1

Okay. This time I’m outa here. Got un appuntamento with Sergio in the ice bath.

Ci vediamo!


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667 Responses to Castro Unplugged

  1. rugbywreckage says:

    “….and enforces that only a certain percentage of a clubs income can be spent on wages.”

    or up to £4.5 million, whichever comes first.

  2. Is this ‘scottish supporters rugby forum’ basically the BTL McTelegraph?

    What is point of giving an already rich club that has broken the salary cap a fine? If they are rich enough to be breaking the limit by (say) a million quid and then get fined another half million, but win the league with all the prizes that go with it? They should be docked points, a league placing at the end of the season, or be forced to bench a player or two for a while.

  3. HairBearHero says:

    Can we get a few more comments on here to bring it up to 666 comments? Il blogia di diavolo!

  4. here comes Drop for the 666th

  5. HairBearHero says:

    Santa Maria!

  6. elsnoopio says:

    @RugbyWreck
    I think that was the orginal reason and it had the unintended result of stopping a few big teams signing up all the best players, which has been the real benefit of it.
    Based on my memory of past comments I’m not sure how useful it has been for the intended purpose though – it only stops the big clubs (Tigers, Quins, Saints, Glaws, Saracens currently) from going bust and all of them seem well managed enough for it not to be an issue, the problem is clubs like Sale running with heavy debts but who are spending under the salary cap anyway.

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