The Six Nations Continueth: not Eddie Butler’s guide to surviving Week Two drink by drink

Pity about the sponsor. The

Pity about the sponsor’s name. There must be a building contractor somewhere called Laphroaig

Week two. The difficult second week, for some. The Scots, sent away to think again, regroup and face an Italy living la dolce vita, confident of a second consecutive victory.

For Philippe Saint-André, last week left him with a red face and a serious case of les Bleus. Nothing less than a resounding win will do at the Stade de France. His opposite number, Bridgend’s own Robert Howley, is in an even worse position. Tactically bereft and lacking the necessary nous he possessed whilst chasing skirt at Brynteg Comprehensive, a ninth consecutive loss will leave Howley lonely as the world’s first ghost. And still Lions backs coach.

"Still and all, Lions backs coach isn't a bad consolation prize"

“Still and all, Lions backs coach isn’t a bad consolation prize”

Whilst Saturday’s matches water the mouth like an ice cold šljivovica, all eyes and livers will be focussed on Dublin. I never used to drink on a Sunday, but given the prospect of England’s bright young things and Ireland’s wise old heads coming together for a potential cracker, I feel it would just be rude not to.

And given the fact that I am going to have to share the studio with John Inverdale, I cannot help but look to my favourite tipples to numb my pain. You may need to do the same, so why not follow my tips for the perfect drinks to accompany your second Six Nations weekend.

Jiffy unhappy with the Absolut measures

Jiffy unhappy with the Absolut measures

Round Two:

Sat 09 Feb     Scotland v Italy        Murrayfield         14.30

Ah, the match nobody loved, but last week’s results have made this tasty; very tasty indeed. Plus I’m being paid a shedload by Auntie and The Graun to cover this. Best enjoyed by opening with a couple of rounds of Deuchars, chased down by some beautiful Limoncello – a palate killer if ever I tasted one. I’ll round out the second half with Laphroaig on ice, then sit down on a park bench to write up Scotland’s 9 point win with some locally sourced Buckfast.

France v Wales                    Stade de France          17.00

One we’ve all been looking forward to. Who doesn’t love Paris in the springtime? Well Jiffy, for one. He hates the French he does. I think it’s because they called him a poor man’s Lamaison. This one needs to be tackled head on: a chablis, a Cwrw Haf, a cheeky Bordeaux, a Blodwen’s. Mix and repeat three times. Then I’ll stand back and watch Jiffy cry himself sober as Wales lose by 10.

Sun 10 Feb      Ireland v England       Aviva Stadium      15.00

A Sunday session, perhaps the Sunday session, in that Mecca of intoxicant, the fair city of Dublin. Guinness and oyster breakfast, follow it up with more Guinness, throw in a dash of Aspall’s Premium Cider for a bit of Black Velvet vim. James Heaslip, reminiscent of myself as an egg-chasing lad, to lead the charge on the fall of the House of Lancaster. I’ll round out the celebratory evening by penning my Observer epistle, mentioning ‘the craic’, the death of an English challenge, a likely Irish Grand Slam, with something to do with Thackeray and Behan shoehorned in along the way. Then crack open the Bushmill’s 1608 and head on in to Temple Bar for reverie with the local spud munchers.

Not ale, you peasants. Claret.

Not ale, you peasants. Claret.

My liver and I thank goodness for the break before round three. This could become a habit.

Passed on to Droptheclaw by Hamish Laphroaig, a disgruntled building contractor

This entry was posted in James' Unwanted Guests, Six Nations 2013. Bookmark the permalink.

701 Responses to The Six Nations Continueth: not Eddie Butler’s guide to surviving Week Two drink by drink

  1. OnlyoneT says:


    Walking Dead is on FX which is part of the basic Sky package normally runs 5 days after the US airs it.

  2. dermott says:

    @ flair

    Here it is in the Oz rugby press:

    I suspect he got fed up with sitting on the bench. Keep him in France. Please!

  3. thaumaturge says:

    @Underdog, don’t give me this work-shy rubbish, have only just finished my unpaid overtime due to database/software crisis.

    O’course, that means I have no idea what’s been going on in these parts since I drifted off on a happy haze of Courvoisier last night, imagining confessing all my sins to Lara.

    And Claw – I’d call you cruel for mentioning Bushmills 1608 in another bravura ATL, except that I have some in the cupboard. To be cherished at special times. Such as when I really want one.

  4. Baldy says:

    Anyone see Matt Stevens won the Borg pie eating contest..

    Seriously, latest press release

    The mind boggles..

  5. Shibui says:

    What sort of Wigan lads are Tomkins, Ashton and Farrell fils if they can’t keep pace with a Saffer in a pie-eating contest? No wonder they had to move down south. They’ll ever be allowed home if news of this reaches League country…

  6. Shibui says:

    *never, obviously.

  7. Underdog says:

    Baldy – just saw that and rushed here to post a link. Hilarious. in case anyone has not seen this.

    Thaum – I won’t apologise as I am a hardy keyboard warrior. Yer all workshy sods.

  8. Shibui says:

    Also, no way Sam Tomkins will switch to union after his brother disgrace. ‘Kick n’ clap sends ’em right soft.’

  9. Shibui says:

    Sorry, I evidently cannot type. No wonder I never made it in journalism.

  10. tichtheid says:

    Cat – I think you’ve missed something in your ending of Source Code, but I’ll leave it until tomorrow, it probably doesn’t mix with the pub.

  11. thaumaturge says:


    Thaum – I won’t apologise as I am a hardy keyboard warrior. Yer all workshy sods.

    At current count (ie not counting this masterpiece-in-progress), you have outnumbered me by 2:1 on this page alone. Being a poor wage slave, I have not even ventured onto other pages to view your probable profligacy.

    Pah. You don’t even know the meaning of working.

  12. Underdog says:

    Wage slave here too, yet here I am at 3:2.

    I understand perfectly the meaning of working. I had to look up ‘profligacy’ though.

  13. Baldy says:

    Shibui – ha genius I love it, recommends allround!

    Material for sag’s next Ashton column?

  14. guest says:

    Eh up, that Underdog thinks he can goad thauma into a 3:3. Fat chance.

  15. sagmog says:

    Top three posters (in the last thousand posts)


  16. firstdifference says:

    Thanks for ruining my night, fd.

    No problem. Though, who knows what his chances are. If even the Force don’t want you, as a professional rugby player, that’s a bad sign.

  17. dermott says:

    @ fd

    Rebels or Tahs, I’d say. Anyways, whoever plays 10 had better grow some longer arms.

  18. Shibui says:

    FD- I never got the chance to say thank you for your interesting posts on the state and status of rugby in Australia, Folau and so on. They were very informative; thanks.

  19. Onlyonet says:

    Just bumped into Rhys Gill while picking the kids up from the nursery, I mentioned I’d just seen him eating pies on the Internet. Not sure who looked more embaressed him or the nursery workers who clearly thought I’d just busted the big bloke from some fetish website. Nice guy.

  20. guest says:

    @Onlyonet – ha, classic.

  21. firstdifference says:

    @ Shibui

    I am glad. You should keep in mind, however, that those comments were made by someone who has lived outside of Australia of 8 years.

  22. karl1976 says:

    See, I’ve put a load of barbed one-liners and blog steals as well as big chunks of text. Surprised I’m 3rd to be honest!

  23. guest says:

    @Karl – I think you mean a load of dirty double-entendres that have so shocked the community that have been rendered unable to post, thereby permitting blog-steals.

  24. guest says:

    * that they have


  25. Borderboy says:

    Where to start? Physics = maths with pictures. Teachers – hot female teacher < hot librarian (I should know, I have one sitting in the next room). Princess Bride – awesome. ATL – great, could hear Eddie as I read it.

  26. sagmog says:

    You’re appearing as Guest.

  27. guest says:

    @sag – *cough* – er, what? I don’t know who you mean.

    Get us onto a new page!

  28. sagmog says:

    Get us onto a new page!

    Speak to Dermott.
    He’s Vice-President In Charge Of Words (Visible Division).

    I just run the various oppression and censorship agencies.

  29. guest says:

    Help! Help! I’m being oppressed!

    Come see the violence inherent in the internet.

  30. killerline says:


    Ace quote.

    Honoured to be top poster although my current brush with death is the real hero: take a bow death.

    Yep I’m reaching the doolally stage.

  31. karl1976 says:

    Guesting and turkeying yourself there thaum.

    And you have a nerve accusing me of smut, falatau-ing everything in sight…

  32. killerline says:


    she’s gone down in my estimations.

  33. guest says:


    Guesting and turkeying yourself there thaum.

    And you have a nerve accusing me of smut, falatau-ing everything in sight…

    Speaking of turkeying … euh, do you mean Faletau-ing?

  34. sagmog says:

    You went there?

    *does wiggly head finger thing*

  35. guest says:

    ‘Sokay, I may or may not estimate them at all. Need to find micron-based ruler.

  36. killerline says:

    I out-Karl Karl and all I get are wiggly head finger things…

    …whatever they are.

  37. sagmog says:

    If I get a new blog up, will you stop being “Guest”?

  38. guest says:

    @sag – a new page will do. See my 7:50.

Comments are closed.