Dingo Unplugged

dingo_514_600x450

G’day.

Forgive the Australian drawl but I’m found mainly in Oz for my sins. I’m stuck with the drawl and I had no say in the matter. I blame my great-great-great10,000-grandfather who turned up here between 4,500 and 10,000 years ago if Wiki on my iPad’s to be believed.

Wiki? Yes, Wiki. I rely on Wiki, the unreliable go-to research source for people who can’t remember how to open a book and prone to abuse by anyone with an internet connection. If only I had these facts stored in my temporal lobe. I don’t. I’m Canis lupus dingo for crying out loud. I’m a wild animal.

If a genie were – yes, the subjunctive, I’m a wild animal, the subjunctive soothes my savage breast – to pop out of a jar in the outback beside me and offer me three wishes I’d happily settle for just one. “Give the other two to Julian Assange”, I’d say. He could do with them. Have you ever tried Ecuadorian food?

My one wish would be to travel back in time to meet my great-great-great10,000-grandfather just as he set paw on this landmass.

Any or all of these could be my my great-great-great10,000-grandfather

Any or all of these could be him. According to Wiki. So, in all likelihood, they’re probably the output of some supremely untalented trendoid costume jeweller

I’d take my great-great-great10,000-grandfather by his furry ear and tell him to try somewhere else. Anywhere else. Ecuador even.

Why? Because this place has given us Canis lupus dingo nothing but grief. For starters, where else but in this place would we be accused of stealing a baby?

What the hell would Canis lupus dingo want with a baby? Puke all over you? Pah. Four a.m. feeds? Meh. Polluting the environment with disposable nappies? For shame.

Plus it unleashed some of the world’s worst poets.

dingoatebaby But the bum wrap of baby-stealing pales into veritable insignificance beside the latest dollop of species-trashing. Courtesy of @Canis lupus dingo I offer up the following travesty:

Robbie "Dingo" Deans asks which way back to Christchurch

Robbie “Dingo” Deans

What in the name of David Attenborough has Canis lupus dingo done to be associated with this drongo?

Now the derogatory term drongo is in no way related to this fella, a Spangled Drongo:

Spangled_Drongo

Why would I slag off a fellow Oz wildlifer who probably spends his days rueing that his great-great-great10,000-grandfather rode a floating tree branch to this shithole a gazillion years ago? Solidarity, brother Spangled Drongo.

No, this is the drongo I’m talking about. No-hoper, fool, idiot, cretin, fuckwit. Take your pick or add your own.

Now my info is that Robbie Deans is as useless as a rugby coach as a one-legged bloke in an arse-kicking contest.

One_Legged_Man_Arse_Kicking_ContestIf the bloke’s as rubbish as they say, what’s wrong with Robbie “Koala” Deans? Koalas are rubbish. They’re useless disease-riddled furballs that bite you when they’re not pissing on you.

koala

But no. Now Canis lupus dingo is synonymous with rubbish rugby coaches.

What next? Tesco Everyday Value “Dingo” Spaghetti Bolognese with 60% Free Horsemeat?

That’s it. I’m out of here.

Forget Ecuador. It’s Dignitas for me.

Received by dermott in a diplomatic pouch from Geneva via the Ecuadorian Embassy in London


Advertisements
This entry was posted in James' Unwanted Guests and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

591 Responses to Dingo Unplugged

  1. HairBearHero says:

    On a lighter note, following on from the 80s film discussion yesterday – a video about Arnie:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jf6HDw6vQo

    Don’t know if you guys will be at all interested, but I thought it was awesome. Pretty inspirational as well.

  2. It shouldn’t be the same as a fucking management job, it should a privilege that is earned in some way.

    1000 times yes. It should be you serving the country. It should be motivated by at least some altruism.

    Instead we’ve got a ruling class that see themselves as our masters, and are, frankly, fucking the public purse for their own gain.

    Plato (I know) said that Democracy is doomed as soon as Politicians realise they can pay themselves form the public purse. And he was fucking right.

  3. daffodane says:

    just popping by, the boss is on to me?

    Lightning hitting St peters, Meteors raining down in Russia, (great videos btw on the G and youtube, again awsome and creepy at the same time).

    Blog creaking under the pressure, signs I tell ya, them are signs.

    Just saying like.

    [returns to well stocked underground bunker]

  4. Dovahkin says:

    lordcutgrass – gold..

  5. Archie says:

    @ craigsman,

    +1.

    I hate that politics is considered a career now. It’s a vocation, like being a nurse. And I think there’s a really significant problem with the current crop of cabinet/shadow cabinet MPs who have never worked anywhere else. I notice that not only has the quality of MPs gone down, but that they’re becoming even further detached from the rest of the world. They treat it all like some giant train set.

    Also safe seats are the biggest scourge on representative democracy. They really should fix that. The only reason it hasn’t been fixed is: first, Labour got greedy in the 70s (I believe) and wanted to maintain their built-in advantage; and then second, Nick Clegg is a pusillanimous pussy who should just fuck off. (He doesn’t even have the fucking cojones to admit that he’s a Tory because that would make some people hate him!)

  6. Dovahkin says:

    Im not getting bounced 3 pages back every time I post and 3 clicks and a refres away from the end of the blog. Not a complaint, its no bother, just passing on the information to the blog overlords

  7. sagmog says:

    I developed a model whereby being an MP was akin to jury duty.
    Need to see if I can find it, see if it still holds up.

    This is better than philosophy at least.

  8. Craigsman says:

    DCC & Archie – Exactly. We need an untelevised revolution. It won’t happen though. Everything is far too comfortable… even in this depression. That’s why most eligible voters don’t actually care.

  9. Archie says:

    (oh and to be completely even-handed: the Tories have far too many safe seats as well. Their boundary review was definitely going to be worse for Labour than it was for them, but I think they all would’ve lost out)

  10. Kocktopuss says:

    Busy today so been playing catch up all morning.

    As if life in Russia wasn’t hard and grim enough already 500 people were injured in a meteor strike this morning. The footage from car-cameras of it flying through the lower atmosphere are insane.

    @Daff

    Saw your comment much earlier – you’re welcome for the Arnie clip, glad you enjoyed it as much as I did.

    @HBH

    What was the name of that book/series you recommended a while back about an inter-solar system war? Nearly finished the book I’m reading and have one more lined up immediately after and then I might give your one a go.

    @Killer

    Give your mate who “doesn’t fear the Scots” a good hard slap from the rest of us Irish fans. And no-one has Heaslip nailed on for the Lions. Some of us have been calling for his removal from the Irish team for a long while, never mind the Lions.

  11. Craigsman says:

    Question on the asteroid – is it the same one that was doing a flyby on earth but wasn’t going to hit?

  12. brookter says:

    Catching up…

    Descartes: Larry, we mentioned In Our Time on the BBC a bit ago. They have a full programme on Cogito Ergo Sum if you’re interested: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b010mvcp

    Interesting snippet, Descartes actually wrote it in French, so it should be Je pense donc je suis, but there you go, that’s Latinists for you.

    Re: deliberate injuries….

    In English / Welsh law, the police are unlikely to take preemptive action, but there’s nothing to stop someone complaining to them about an injury in a rugby match. Possible offences: S47 (Actual Bodily Harm), S20 (Grievous Bodily Harm) S18 (GBH with intent). For S47 and S20 you’ve only got to be reckless whether injury would be caused, you don’t need the full intent. I’m fairly sure there have been successful prosecutions.

  13. Kocktopuss says:

    @Craig

    Not sure yet. They reckon it was at least 10 tonnes in size but seemed to have broken up before it hit. Russia dispatching army units to other impact suspected impact sites.

    Expect the conspiracy theorist side of the internet to go into meltdown any second. I wonder what Jim Corr will make of it….

  14. lordcutgrass says:

    @Craigsman – we don’t need a revolution (televised or not), we need perpetual revolution. Only way to stop politicians getting too comfy.

    Someone mentioned house prices. What is needed is a government with a commitment to keeping housing costs (buying or renting) at an affordable level. The average family should be able to buy or rent the average family house, and the average worker in their late 20s should be able to afford a 1 or 2 bed flat. Housing is somewhere to live, a basic human right, not an investment to make money out of.

    I’m not too anti the buy-to-let brigade, as private rented accommodation is something we need. What I can’t abide is the property flippers. I’d sort them out by imposing 100% tax on the profit on any residential property resold with 12 months of purchase.

  15. HairBearHero says:

    @Crash

    @HBH

    What was the name of that book/series you recommended a while back about an inter-solar system war? Nearly finished the book I’m reading and have one more lined up immediately after and then I might give your one a go.

    Leviathan Wakes and it’s sequel Caliban’s War. Third one is coming out in June.

    Claw’s just finished them, seems to have enjoyed them

  16. Kocktopuss says:

    Re. Healy; boy done wrong so should take his licks. The board should have specified what the ban entailed rather than leaving it up to some sort of gentleman’s agreement. Some blame for all involved.

  17. Craigsman says:

    Kock – actually i think the one I was talking about is expected tonight. Hmmm – so the 12.12.12 was a little out but hey those Myan conspiracists were right.

  18. Dovahkin says:

    I developed a model whereby being an MP was akin to jury duty.
    Need to see if I can find it, see if it still holds up.

    I heard this guy on R4 on some programme in the middle of the day a while back who had done research that suggested that the outcomes of government policy (using basic measures like GDP, population literacy and mortality rates) would be at least equivilant and often better if our governent officials were chosen in a completely random fashion from the adult population and simply changed, en masse every 5 years. I like this idea.

  19. Greysuit says:

    @DCC

    I have a lot of sympathy with your (&Plato’s) line if argument, but where it heads is a political class entirely comprised of those wealthy enough not to need an income. That’s not good for all sorts of reasons…

  20. Craigsman says:

    Anyone seen this?
    http://www.espnscrum.com/scrum/rugby/story/177023.html
    Prob need to start to do smoe work today….

  21. Kocktopuss says:

    @hbh

    Cheers, will have a look online when I get home and get them stored on the Kindle.

    @craig

    Caught a snippet of Sky news in the break room and some suitably eccentric and tussled looking British academic was talking about a 14 hour delay so there may be more due to hit or pass by.

  22. (oh and to be completely even-handed: the Tories have far too many safe seats as well. Their boundary review was definitely going to be worse for Labour than it was for them, but I think they all would’ve lost out)

    This pisses me off. The Boundary Changes (while ill-thought out) were labour losing an unfair advantage. It’s ludicrously partisan for the likes of Toynbee to call it Gerrymandering.

  23. I have a lot of sympathy with your (&Plato’s) line if argument, but where it heads is a political class entirely comprised of those wealthy enough not to need an income. That’s not good for all sorts of reasons…

    Yes. I know. This is the problem.

    Maybe we need to just hand it over to fucking Skynet and be done with it.

  24. Dovahkin says:

    Sags, got it DCC. Like jury service, picked at random, fixed term.

  25. Greysuit says:

    Just pausing to reflect for a second – if all this discussion is going on inside the mind of Our Lord of Domination, he’s really quite the renaissance man isn’t he. Who knew?

  26. Kocktopuss says:

    I like the idea of randomly selecting citizens to fill the role of MPs, as long as the selection process can’t be tampered with and there’s a decent stable of advisors on hand to help out people who may be dealing with issues they have little to no knowledge about.

    The idea has shades of Cincinatus about it, which I like.

    The only issue I can see would be it would likely increase the influence of the civil service. As they generally run the day to day admin of the country then I could see them being able to more easily cow a Joe Soap just into the job. Then again, get the right kind of stubborn person into the roll and they could be far more unbreakable than political types. It’ll be one of those things where the law of unintended consequences would kick in and kinks would need to be ironed out but I’d be very interested to see how it worked.

  27. Hee hee. I should really change that.

    The thing was, this was never meant to be permanent. It was supposed to be for the stuff I was sticking BTL at the Graun during the WC. I’ll overhaul a lot of the old copy at the weekend.

  28. deebee7 says:

    Right, a quick post from me before I head off for the afternoon:
    I went to a private school in South Africa during the apartheid era. Beat that. To be fair, as a private school, we had a sprinkling of kids from non-WASP backgrounds (hell, we evern tolerated the odd Greek, Jew and Italian, although I had to hide my Catholic roots), although we only had one or two kids from black African, Asian or ‘coloured’ backgrounds.

    Like many English-speaking Saffers, my grandparents (on my dad’s side) left the UK during the Great Depression to look for a better life in the colonies: my dad grew up in a two-bed flat he shared with his parents and uncle and went to the local state school because he could walk to it. His folks managed to get him into a leading uni here and he worked his entire life as a Mech Eng, and, with my mum (a French teacher by trade), they put their four kids through private schools and uni at the expense of lavish holidays or swanky cars. They gave us the best education we could get and I’ll never apologise for attending a private school during that era. Never. Hopefully though, I’ll always remember our family’s humble origins and treat every person with the respect they deserve – regardless of background.

    Which brings me to the second point: Toynbee is a colossal arse. Yes, that is the respect she deserves.

    See you all next week at some stage, hopefully, although I’ll be in Ethiopia, so not much time to relax and enjoy the WCB™.

  29. Dovahkin says:

    horrible stray comma in my last post. Im always bad , but that’s awful.

  30. a decent stable of advisors on hand to help out people who may be dealing with issues they have little to no knowledge about.

    An apolitical body of advisers? We could call them The Civil Service.

  31. CupidStunt says:

    Good lord, but there’s an awful lot of good sense being spoken on this blog this morning! As a product of a grammar school and a father who taught in a grammar school, I would acknowledge that there were huge downsides for those who didn’t get in, but believe the comprehensive school system is far, far worse. I really think they threw the baby out with the bathwater there.

    By the way, Mrs Cupid had an early scan yesterday and we could see the heart beat. Was awesome.

    Am going to have a welsh child and am cool with that.

  32. Chekhovian says:

    Speaking of venal politicians, is anybody watching the US remake of House of Cards on Netflix at the moment? It’s rather excellent.

  33. Chekhovian says:

    By the way, Mrs Cupid had an early scan yesterday and we could see the heart beat. Was awesome.</blockquote?

    Congratulations!

  34. Which brings me to the second point: Toynbee is a colossal arse. Yes, that is the respect she deserves.

    Totally misread this sentence as Toynbee HAS a colossal arse.

    And threw up in my mouth.

  35. Kocktopuss says:

    @cat

    I meant advisors to teach them the ins and outs of how to enact legislation etc. and the like and maybe advise them on other issues such effecting the country in general.

    Not sure if the Civil Service are the best bet. They can often be a vested interest. Cutting the wages of the Civil Service is a big political thing in Ireland at the moment and if we had the MPs selected like juries system here you can imagine the “advice” that would be dished out regarding that topic. Admittedly they’d, hopefully, be fine a lot of the time as advisors but they wouldn’t always be.

    An apolitical body of advisors is probably too much to hope for but I’m not sure if the Civil Service would be the best for the job.

  36. Dovahkin says:

    a decent stable of advisors on hand to help out people who may be dealing with issues they have little to no knowledge about.

    No, no, no ,no ,no!! The whole point is that completely uninformed people picked at random seeing the issues at close hand for the first time and forming an un-influenced opinion will, as a whole make decisions that at the very least dont harm the outcomes and will occasionalyl be better than what we have.

    frankly, I dont think administering the running of a country is that difficult. Seriously. They give themsleves too much credit these people.

  37. tichtheid says:

    Toynbee is paid to publicise her opinions, this is not a secret. I really don’t understand why anyone would read anything by her if you know she is going to upset you.

    She’s far too right wing for my liking, but she sometimes makes a decent point.

  38. Kocktopuss says:

    @dova

    No, no, no ,no ,no!! The whole point is that completely uninformed people picked at random seeing the issues at close hand for the first time and forming an un-influenced opinion will, as a whole make decisions that at the very least dont harm the outcomes and will occasionalyl be better than what we have.

    Ah, me sees now. That’d still be something I’d be interested to see in action.

    @cupid

    Congrats! Was it one of those fancy 3D scanners they use in some places now?

  39. Toynbee is paid to publicise her opinions, this is not a secret. I really don’t understand why anyone would read anything by her if you know she is going to upset you.

    She’s not. She’s paid to promote the Labour Party.

    And I don’t read her. Like the bunfights that go on BTL.

  40. tichtheid says:

    “She’s paid to promote the Labour Party.”

    By who?

  41. tichtheid says:

    … and if you don’t read her, how can you have an opinion on her writing?

  42. By who?

    The Guardian, sadly. You’re missing my point.

    Let me use Workfare as an example. Toynbee wrote an article back in 1997. This was, surprisingly, about the brilliance of Tony Blair’s new Workfare. Now compare and contrast to what she writes about The Tory’s workfare nowadays. It’s the willful inconsistency that I find annoying.

    And I have only recently stopped reading.

  43. Craigsman says:

    Cupid – many congrats.

  44. Speaking of venal politicians, is anybody watching the US remake of House of Cards on Netflix at the moment? It’s rather excellent.

    Good acting, some of the dialogue is pretty clunky.

  45. Dovahkin says:

    The guardian are big Lib Dem fans arent they? Going by their most recent declaration of this type?

  46. tichtheid says:

    “The Guardian, sadly.”

    So the Guardian that at the last election told everyone in its editorial to vote LibDem are paying Toynbee, who in her own opinion piece on the day of the last election told everyone why they should vote LibDem, are paying Toynbee to promote the Labour Party?

  47. So the Guardian that at the last election told everyone in its editorial to vote LibDem are paying Toynbee, who in her own opinion piece on the day of the last election told everyone why they should vote LibDem, are paying Toynbee to promote the Labour Party?

    Yes. In a nutshell.

    Seriously, Look at that article today. I’ve read it now, and it’s slavishly adoring.

    Reading her stuff (and to be fair the crap from other such as Jenkins) makes me feel more and more like one of the animals outside the window when it comes to this stuff.

  48. Anyway, let’s kill this dead, because you’re mistaking me for a Tory rather than someone who would nuke the whole fucking lot of them from space because it’s the only way to be sure.

  49. tichtheid says:

    “Anyway, let’s kill this dead,”

    Gladly, I only responded because the comments, not just yours, were one-sided.

  50. hamnash1da says:

    “Not sure if the Civil Service are the best bet.”

    Now this won’t do, Crash, won’t do at all. Running the country/continent/world is far too difficult/important/lucrative to be left to politicians. Whose only interest is in themselves, and whose maximum planning horizon is four years.

    We senior civil servants, on the other hand, are in for life – no elections to worry about, and the only way to get fired is to shoot your Minister/etc in front of 36 witnesses (even then I’m not sure you wouldn’t just get compassionate leave and free counselling). So we have no problem taking the long view, none at all – and what with all those centuries of experience, etc – well, obviously, we’ve got pretty used to running stuff, and tend to know what’s best for the country/continent/etc. Pay’s good enough to keep us honest, but not disgusting. It works.

    Downside is of course “democracy.” But that was actually never much more than Demosthenes having a giggle at the expense of countless subsequent generations of jejune Graun-reading types.

    It’s all there in “Yes, Minister “.

Comments are closed.