View from a Suncorp Stadium turnstile – Part I

stadium-map

In this first of a two-part exclusive, someone very well placed to offer an insider’s view of the Australian Super 15 teams’ chances in the 2013 competition wipes the XXXX suds off his top lip and unleashes his wisom

Yeah, it’s Ern here. Short for Ernie. The last bugger to call me Ernest’s still looking for his teeth.

toothlessI’ve been on the turnstile here at Suncorp Stadium – home of the Mighty Reds – since before it was Suncorp Stadium, when it was good old Lang Park, when a name on a footy ground meant something, when a footy ground wasn’t just a bloody big advertising sign. [Editor’s note: six paragraphs of reactionary nostalgia deleted]

Anyrate, on account of most of you live closer to the North Pole than this sun-blessed [Editor’s note: two paragraphs of Brisbane tourism propaganda deleted after it was discovered Tourism Queensland had slipped the author a carton of XXXX] city, I reckoned you’d be interested in my thoughts on this season’s Australian Super Rugby teams in case you were thinking of investing a quid on a game or two, like. And if you’re not interested, stiff cheddar.

‘Course there’s only one team that matters. My mighty Reds. Now I don’t care what Big Kev Horwill says, it’s the backs that win matches. All forwards do is show up and eat everybody’s food. Half the buggers can’t even fit through my turnstile. Just look at 2011. Our scrum was going backwards the whole time but Quadey and Sanchez took the team the whole way.

quadewillSo Sanchez’s out for the first few rounds. That’s a bit of a loss. And who knows how he’ll be when he comes back? But we’ve got decent back-up with Benny Lucas at 9, plus Quadey’ll be there to hold his hand, show him the ropes, like. Plus if something goes wrong for Benny, my mate Quadey’ll take all the stick from the haters. Bastards they are.

Now the outside backs should be better than 2011. Hopefully at some point in the season we’ll have a backline of Sanchez, Quadey, Diggers, Taps, Ant Fainga’a, Shipperly and Morahan. Ant’s a great defender but there’s a reason Quadey developed such a great cut-out pass. So he could get the ball around Ant. The rest of the backline’s known quality, even if Diggers is getting a bit funny in the head.

digby-ioane-2011-4-16-8-10-56He’s been used as a battering ram by Dingo Deans once too often.

The forwards? Well, they’re an average bloody story. We lost Higgers to the Rebels. I’d’ve given them girlie Rob Simmons plus his cab fare to the airport. Higgers isn’t up to much at international level but he’s still the best 6 in the country. So that’s a blow. Even if his name makes him sound like a Pom. Still, if the Poms can have blokes called Tuilagi and Corbisiero, we can have one called Higginbotham. Anyrate, between Big Kev and Liam Gill there might be enough quality in the pack to help get us to top of the Australian conference. But, if I’m honest with myself, and there’s nothing like a schooner of XXXX to open the honesty floodgates, we probably won’t win the whole thing.

My tip: 1st in the Australian conference (3rd overall)

Now the Brumbies. Reckon they’re our main rivals for the conference. Their backline looks pretty good so they should do all right. Good pair of halves in Nic White and Christian Lealiifano.

christianYou blokes won’t know a lot about Lealiifano. Talented fella. Busted a leg last year or he could’ve turned up in a Wallaby jersey. They’ve got a lot of options in the centres with Georgie’s little brother Tyrone Smith, McCabe – when he’s fit again – and Kuridrani. They’ve also got a dangerous pair of wingers in Joe Tomane and Henry Speight not to forget Clyde Rathbone making the mother of all comebacks. Fullback could be dodgy. Jesse Mogg started well last year but dropped away. If he can be a bit more consistent they could be pretty dangerous. Plus Robbie Coleman can play fullback a bit as well.

Now it’s all Jake White’s fault that the Brumbies’ pack is pretty bloody good. You can take the bloke out of Bokland, you can’t take Bokland out of the bloke. Dingo Deans wouldn’t know it – what does he know? – but they’ve got Australia’s best scrummaging tighthead in Dan Palmer.

palmerHe’s nicking off to France at the end of the S15 season. To improve his scrummaging, he reckons. ‘Cept he’s going to Grenoble. Typical brainless prop. Anyrate, along with Moore and Alexander that’s a decent front row that’s good around the park too. They’re a bit light in the locks but they’ve got more backrow options than you could poke a Chiko Roll at – Pocock, Mowen, Kimlin, Fardy and Colby Faiinga’a. They lost Michael Hooper to the Tahs but how bad a replacement is Bam Bam?

I reckon they’re stronger than last year, ought to finish in the same spot in the conference, but could make the finals.

My tip: 2nd in Australian conference (6th overall)

The fact that the Brumbies rolled us first up last weekend absolutely in no way at all undermines my unshakable belief in my tips and forecasts. They done good, we were rusty.

See you later for a rundown on the other Australian teams – the Tahs, the Rebels and that mob that ought to be cut adrift and let float off into the Indian Ocean.

Anyrate, that’s it for now. My throat’s drier than a dead dingo’s donger.

transcribed by first difference from a message in a XXXX bottle found floating in the Hudson River

 

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714 Responses to View from a Suncorp Stadium turnstile – Part I

  1. I really want Italy to mug Wales on the weekend. Just can’t see it though.

    I can see them making life hard for Wales. Particularly in the Scrum given the Welsh Locking Crisis and Gethin fading.

    If they get their penalties it’ll be very interesting indeed.

  2. yosoy says:

    Is this like the way Ireland are massive cheats at the breakdown, unlike anything anyone’s ever seen before?

    That was Munster 2000-2010.

  3. coddfish says:

    OK as one of your resident females I might have leapt at the misogyny bait but by the time I caught up with reading today’s outpourings on the blog it seemed to have sorted itself out. Here’s a quick etiquette reminder if you want us gentler souls to contribute. Remember guys, Rugby good, misogyny bad. Recipes good, gym talk a bit iffy. Film and music talk just about OK. The alternative is we will talk about women’s stuff, whatever that is.

    Thank goodness I will be safely in Cardiff whilst you are all legless in Colliers Wood.

  4. Chekhovian says:

    Is this like the way Ireland are massive cheats at the breakdown, unlike anything anyone’s ever seen before?

    I’d like to see evidence of this offside Scottish midfield. Can’t remember it myself, or at least can’t remember us being offside more than is customary for any international team.

    Expro, I don’t think Peyper was a ‘homer’ ref, I think you’re a biased observer without much capacity for objectivity. Hence the ‘Chris Wyles is better than Ashton, the Scottish midfield were all offside’ type thing.

  5. coddfish says:

    And why does the blog now leap back a page when I post a comment?

  6. LarryM says:

    @killer – it would have a certain leaning that way, but it’s not a one-genre place. The Eels are playing there in March, a gig that I am considering attending.

  7. It’ll be interesting to see who gets released from the England camp this evening which will give us the match day squad at least.

    I suspect the only area of debate surrounding the starting line up will be 36 or Manu to start?

    I’d dearly love to see Billy V be retained for bench duty rather than Waldrum though.

  8. Chekhovian says:

    @coddfish

    The sheer pace of our posting rate has overwhelmed the blog. I’m sure sag, Cat and dermott can offer a more technical explanation, but I think I’ve got the jist of it.

  9. MichaelVaughanMyLord says:

    I don’t know, I can see an Italian win, given that Wales had very little in attack against France. Italy can definitely match Wales up front and then it’s a question of not making the same stupid errors they made against Scotland.

  10. Say sorry to the nice lady expro.

  11. killerline says:

    @Coddfish

    gentler souls?

    You’ve not met Rachel, Thaum, Strictly yet then.

  12. I’d dearly love to see Billy V be retained for bench duty rather than Waldrum though.

    This.

  13. coddfish says:

    You’ve not met me either

  14. And why does the blog now leap back a page when I post a comment?

    Funnily enough my leaps back two if I post a comment.

    Although if I just do a straight refresh it the browser goes straight to the end of the last page. Odd.

  15. @codfish and Chek-

    I’m nigh on sure it’s speed. The software isn’t really designed for the level of traffic this generates or the speed it comes through at. As such, it’s holding the page you landed on as the one to revert to as the url when you refresh , even though it may be a few pages ahead.

    I think this is because it doesn’t define the url by #lastcomment or #firstcomment.

    ‘sonly a theory though.

  16. coddfish says:

    I think the leaping back thing started when the number of posts per page was increased, and you are right, it might be 2 pages. But at least it’s not nested

  17. Admittedly, I’m cheating and using the comment stream, because it looks more like I’m actually working.

    I’ll have a test.

  18. LarryM says:

    @coddfish – I don’t know what women’s topics are, just like I don’t know what men’s topics are, but I’m sure I’ll find a way to contribute.

    Regarding the shifting, I’m now two pages back per post. Blog clearly approaching 88mph.

    Also, does anyone know if there’s any Hitlerian significance to the 88 reference in BttF? I really hope not. This is not a Godwin, as it’s a genuine question, I’m not making a point.

  19. coddfish says:

    My first and second posts of the day caused me to go back 2 pages each time, the 3rd 1 page. Perhaps it just wants me to see Expro’s comments?

  20. yosoy says:

    I don’t know, I can see an Italian win, given that Wales had very little in attack against France. Italy can definitely match Wales up front and then it’s a question of not making the same stupid errors they made against Scotland.

    They’ll be fine in the scrums, line out, they have a better mauling game, better close carriers, but we should be able to secure enough of our own ball be in a good position to beat them. We’ll have a bit more confidence and will play with a smidgen more ambition.

    Even with Howley in charge, we should beat them.

  21. boanova says:

    I’d dearly love to see Billy V be retained for bench duty rather than Waldrum though.

    I was wondering about that. He had a seriously strong game on Sunday, and despite still giving away a handful of penalties did enough, for me, to get the bench spot over Tank.

  22. Right. That is what it’s doing.

    For some reason, it’s defaulting the URL to 13 after you post. Have no idea why.

  23. I don’t know, I can see an Italian win, given that Wales had very little in attack against France. Italy can definitely match Wales up front and then it’s a question of not making the same stupid errors they made against Scotland.

    If you make your first up tackles against Wales then they seem, currently at least, to have little else attack wise? (This may change now that they’ve got the monkey off their backs defeat wise.)

    With this in mind Orquera would be a big worry for me as an Italian. Having said that I thought he’d be an absolute disaster against the French but he was almost majestic.

    I think it’d be a good win if Wales beat Italy in Rome, they’re no pushovers at home. And I honestly think that this game could go either way.

    As could all of them this weekend to be honest. There is a case to be made for every side getting a win.

  24. coddfish says:

    Suitable women’s topics may include the Hask’s guns, DC’s underpants and James O’Bieber’s hair. But maybe I’m adding to the misogyny

  25. Also, does anyone know if there’s any Hitlerian significance to the 88 reference in BttF? I really hope not. This is not a Godwin, as it’s a genuine question, I’m not making a point.

    Nope. You’ll be pleased to hear the reason is that 88mph was the top speed of that model of Delorean.

  26. Chekhovian says:

    Also, does anyone know if there’s any Hitlerian significance to the 88 reference in BttF? I really hope not. This is not a Godwin, as it’s a genuine question, I’m not making a point.

    I’m not aware of any. I can’t think of any obvious uses of/references to ’88’ during his era. Why do you ask?

  27. sagmog says:

    I’m getting pinged back as well.
    Been going on for me since lunchtime.
    It also happens when traffic has been low, so it’s not just heavy traffic.

  28. killerline says:

    @Coddfish

    It can’t be expro-related. As much as he’d like that.

    Been happening before his relatively recent appearance.

  29. I’ll go and ask the support. They’re generally quite good.

  30. coddfish says:

    Sag, I think it started yesterday

  31. Chekhovian says:

    You’ll be pleased to hear the reason is that 88mph was the top speed of that model of Delorean.

    Which just goes to show how outrageously shit Deloreans are.

  32. MichaelVaughanMyLord says:

    If you are going to refer to The Hask’s GUNS, at least be reverential about it (Hallowed Be His BANTER)

  33. sagmog says:

    @coddfish.
    I’ve been getting it for ages, generally once we pass the 400-500 posts mark.
    Got it at night couple of weeks ago when traffic was light, but we were up to about 600+ posts.

  34. Regarding the being shifted back to a previous page after posting, it just seem to start happening at random times as well? It was fine for me this morning and the traffic didn;t seem any heavier then particularly?

    Unless it’s to do with the traffic on wordpress hosted sites as a whole?

  35. LarryM says:

    Nope. You’ll be pleased to hear the reason is that 88mph was the top speed of that model of Delorean.

    Delighted.

    Of course, it might just be that the Delorean manufacturers are extremely subtle right-wing mentalists. Where were they from? Oh, Norn Iron, you say… well, we’ve plenty of fascists of one sort or another, but none too subtle, so I’ll call it happenstance.

    I’m not aware of any. I can’t think of any obvious uses of/references to ’88′ during his era. Why do you ask?

    Hasn’t 88 been a Hitler thing since long before BttF?

    If you didn’t know, it works thus: ‘H’ is the eighth letter of the alphabet, ’88’ = ‘HH’, as in ‘Heil Hitler’.

    Immensely clever, obviously.

  36. coddfish says:

    Sag, I read the stats you posted earlier, very impressive, particularly to get the global traffic (although some of that may be your regulars travelling – I have certainly accessed this from both Malaysia and India in recent weeks).

  37. LarryM says:

    Suitable women’s topics may include the Hask’s guns, DC’s underpants and James O’Bieber’s hair. But maybe I’m adding to the misogyny

    I’m pretty sure these have all come up at various times when it’s just the boys hanging out.

  38. Upon reflection, and as Sag says, it does always seem to start happening once the number of posts gets upward of 500 or so, so maybe that’s it?

  39. LarryM says:

    Also, killer, what band is it you’re looking to see? And are they any good? Don’t be offended if I ask for further references.

  40. coddfish says:

    Larry but how do I know you are a boy? And I might be a fish or a bird

  41. Chekhovian says:

    Hasn’t 88 been a Hitler thing since long before BttF?

    If you didn’t know, it works thus: ‘H’ is the eighth letter of the alphabet, ’88′ = ‘HH’, as in ‘Heil Hitler’.

    Immensely clever, obviously.

    I’ve never heard of that before. Nice to know that the neo-Nazis are still a bunch of fruit loops.

  42. yosoy says:

    @coddfish

    You are a bird. You said so 5 minutes ago.

  43. HairBearHero says:

    I thought “18” was the big neo-Nazi number. Same basis as before, but A = 1, H = 8

  44. dermott says:

    The software’s refusal to take you back to the latest post isn’t traffic or comment-heavy related. It started doing it to me the other morning with few comments on the blog and little traffic.

  45. lordcutgrass says:

    Really cannot see Italy beating Wales. Especially not an Italy without Parrisse or however you spell it and now that Wales have a win under Howley. Also now that Orquera blew up against Scotland they are back to being fly half less.

  46. coddfish says:

    Possibly a bird of prey

  47. sagmog says:

    Point of order:
    The top speed of a US spec DMC-12 is more like 120-130 mph.
    Still shite for a 2.8L V6, but nowhere near 88 mph.
    If I remember correctly, they had a speedo that only went to 85 mph, but that had no bearing on their actual top speed.

  48. ’88 precepts’, is I believe, the bible of the American white supremacist movement.

    So along with the Hitler thing the number has great significance to some of the less savoury parts of the human race.

  49. coddfish says:

    As an ex-software development project manager I would say go back to the last settings change and restore

  50. MichaelVaughanMyLord says:

    This number thing is disturbing. There are so many numbers now that I can’t use – 87, 107, 188, 88. I suppose German names pretty much make the number 8 obsolete unless you are a raving National Socialist.

    Is 52 ok (Eva Braun)? What about 2 (Blondie)?

  51. dermott says:

    coddfish, the settings are as they always were.

  52. OnlyoneT says:

    @MVML – And what ever you do if you’re born in 1988 never ever use the year of your birth as a quick an easy addition to your online name.

  53. sagmog says:

    I’m going to stick a new blog up, please report how it’s behaving for you.

Comments are closed.