Quade Unplugged

Quade Cooper in action for Australia against Argentina in the Rugby Championship on 15 SeptemberWhat’s up, peeps?! It’s your main man the QC in the house!

I would have been here sooner but it’s taken six months of negotiations. My awesome agent Nass had me lined up to do a Rugby League blog but League fans only try to colour in the pictures. ‘Course I’ll probably do a bit on the boxing blogs after I won my first bout by KO a few weeks ago against a really tough insurance salesman.

The insurance salesman needed the size of their Plasma TVs before he could quote on like-for-like replacement

The insurance salesman needed the size of their Plasma TVs before he could quote on like-for-like replacement

Plus I’ll keep an eye on League, too, what with my main man SBW about to tear it up for the Roosters. I don’t care what anyone says about Sonny Bill – you know the kind of crap I’m talking about, how he’s wasting his rugby talent playing in Japan, playing League, fighting lard-arses who couldn’t even sell insurance – he is still an inspiration to me.

sbwAnyways, down to rugby. You all fell for it, didn’t you? All you Northern Hemispherites watched the first weekend of the 6 Nations and said: “Wow! There were loads of tries there, bro! This Six Nations is gonna be different!” And then look what happens. Another week, all that freezing cold rain, and it’s right back to Tryless BorefestTM. Then everyone had a week off. A week off? Weak bastards. Then they come back rested for another Tryless BorefestTM. Then they have another week off! Soft soft soft.

It’s a big year, hey, what with the Lions Tour happening? Throughout this year I’ll be blogging to tell you all about life as a Wallaby and how we’re getting ready to smash your boys. Of course that depends on whether Robbie the Cun Coach picks me.

"Tackle, Quade. It's both a transitive and intransitive verb defined as  To stop (an opponent carrying the ball), especially by forcing the opponent to the ground.

“Tackle, Quade. It’s a verb that can be either transitive or intransitive depending on context, defined as stopping an opponent carrying the ball, especially by forcing the opponent to the ground.”

Who knows with him, hey? Some of the boys reckon Dingo throws darts at a board for his backs selection. Seriously, though, Dingo and me have to put our differences aside in order for me to destroy the Lions even though it’ll mean Dingo stays on, keeping Ewen from getting us playing proper attacking rugby without so much freakin’ kicking [Editor’s note: the preceding text was redacted by an ARU lawyer, replaced by the following text with accompanying photo] Robbie and I are looking forward to putting our differences aside and working together to do what is best for the success of the Wallabies. In the meantime I’m just going to concentrate on Being The Best Player I Can Be© by tearing up Super Rugby.

dingoquade2Got to admit the Reds didn’t kick off the season all that great against the Brumbies the other weekend. I’ll put my hand up for being a bit rusty. Beats me what the forwards’ excuse was. They were just plain shite.

Better effort against the old foes the Tahs last Friday. It’s a long season. And we’re up for it.

Or, as us boxers say, let’s get ready to rumble, baby!

Assembled by BennyBlanco from 27 tweets sent from a borrowed laptop

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755 Responses to Quade Unplugged

  1. Shibui says:

    Not nailing on Hamilton for the Test team after one decent game- he’s had quite a few where he’s been pretty anonymous for such a big man. Given the lack of truly outstanding candidates I’d say he was in contention, but no more than that.

  2. mrgreysuit says:

    @FD

    Fair play. I’m married to a Saffer myself, but she damp colonialism thing resonates pretty strongly.

  3. Archie says:

    Fair enough! Think he;s got tha nice abrasive potential though …

  4. titimanionga says:

    She a Dubliner then, FD?

    Evening all.

  5. thaumaturge says:

    @FD – heh, can’t imagine which islands you’re speaking of.

    But it’s goodnight from me….

  6. titimanionga says:

    ….and goodnight from her.

    I’m off to. Night Mr Meades!

  7. titimanionga says:

    *too. Bah.

  8. meadesian says:

    Evening? You call this evening Claw?

    Your dinner’s in the dog.

  9. dovahkin says:

    Exeter is in the south west which is awesome and I hope to live there some day. Near the sea, warmer, nice foke generally and proper rugby country. Area of excellent taste in produce and crafted ale and cider.

    Saints will blow whatever budget they have freed up on another prop. Ive given up on seeing a decent 10 at the gardens after a long long list of shite. Townsend, grayson, mental spencer, lamb, myler etc etc. Rogues gallery of flakiness

  10. killerline says:

    @Meades Claw’s a fancy boy. Wait till you see HOW fancy.

  11. HopWired says:

    What’s that? About 13 pages I’ve read – I’m fucking pooped! (Could play for France, perchance?)
    Great effort on the ATL, Benny, and sterling work all round on The Sins Of Ashton – had a few anxious moments with hot beverage there.
    Early comment about stats – the ABs stats are generally done/presented by Melodie Robinson (yes! a woman writing about rugby!) so if you google her and something like ‘stats’ you should be able to find them. That’s the sort of thing you want for the 6N, or for the various other comps if someone has the time to compile them.
    ** Tried the googling & failed – it’s in the interwebs somewhere – Avs probably knows where to find the link.

    Does one become an ‘ex-professional cyclist” when the drug-taking has impaired the mental functions to the levels we see here, or is that post-traumatic self-medication taken to extremes?

  12. meadesian says:

    @Killer. I’m from Leeds too. Everyone’s a fancy boy/fop to us.

  13. killerline says:

    *spits*

    I mean, be a pleasure to meet you old boy.

  14. @ Claw

    Yes, she is from Dublin.

    @ mrgreysuit

    This is a secret, but between friends, part of me is quite grateful for English colonialism and the fact that they decided to take some of my ancestors for some petty crime and ship them to Australia. Got them out of the bog they were living in and allowed their decendants a pretty good quality of life, better than most of Ireland could have offered at the time and for many decades subsequently and from which I have benefited from across the course of my life. Of course, it was terrible for those sent originally and for the indigenous population they displaced. So this is a rather immoral statement.

  15. meadesian says:

    Envy is a terrible thing Killer.

    I thought you couldn’t process emotions anyway?

  16. killerline says:

    My new software takes care of it Meades old salt….

  17. meadesian says:

    Beta? How rigorous was your testing process?

  18. @ Killer

    New software to allow you to feel emotion? That explains the outbreaks of murderous rage and the maudlin sobbing. Still a few bugs to work out.

  19. killerline says:

    murderous rage and the maudlin sobbing

    You sure you’ve not met me FD?

  20. killerline says:

    @Meades

    they got a coffee machine working on the same operating system. That was good enough for me.

  21. @ killer

    You know that moment when you notice a mistake in your code and you fix it and your results don’t go away. That is me right now. I am at one with the world and full of insight.

  22. Wolfie says:

    …………..After reading all the smarty-aresed comments about Ashton, no-one made the obvious connection that his missed tackle cost the whole UK economy it’s ‘AAA’ – whch means all Welsh, Scottish and N.Irish can have a fair go as well………………………so let’s hear it….oh! –

    – you’d sooner have Ashton play against you……….hmmmm!

  23. meadesian says:

    @Killer. Sounds like a match made in heaven. Are you bringing her/it to the blog outing? Do I need to buy a hat?

  24. More an overwhelming sense of relief that the last couple of months of work hasn’t been a waste of time. Or alternatively, I don’t have to be dishonest and pretend I never ran this particular analysis.

  25. avsfan says:

    Not much of a stat man myself. The only one that matters is the points for / against after 80 minutes.

    eddie Jones used to bang on about how his stats showed Del Sailor was the best ball carrier in the wallabies, while everyone could see he was actually shite. I’m sure Deccie has some stats somewhere that show that ROG actually won the match at Murrayfield.

  26. HopWired says:

    It was more ‘Melodie Robinson’ and less ‘stats’ that led me to believe you might know, avs…

  27. Not much of a stat man myself. The only one that matters is the points for / against after 80 minutes.

    eddie Jones used to bang on about how his stats showed Del Sailor was the best ball carrier in the wallabies, while everyone could see he was actually shite. I’m sure Deccie has some stats somewhere that show that ROG actually won the match at Murrayfield.

    Stats are just representations of certain facts. Like everything they have to be interpreted, but at their best they provide some suitable for metrics that are less prone to manipulation or self-delusion than qualitative observations. I think moneyball in baseball clearly demonstrated how a lot of traditional ways of understanding sport are full of biases that didn’t really reflect reality in terms of what was effective or not.

  28. avsfan says:

    Isn’t she the ex netball player, or some such?

  29. Shibui says:

    No, Avs, she is, somewhat surprisingly, both a former blindside flanker and a former beauty queen ( one having been declared Miss Canterbury). The first woman to commentate on an international rugby match, too.

  30. Shibui says:

    *once

  31. avsfan says:

    Miss Canterbury – I believe I cooked one of those on a barbecue once.

  32. avsfan says:

    Ah yes – I just googled her. I think I was getting her confused with April Ieremia.

  33. killerline says:

    0600 power on.

    Calibrate…

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