This is your Captain Throbshaw in the cockpit again …


Ladies and gentlemen, I’m delighted to announce that English rugby has been cleared for landing and we will shortly commence our final descent over Cambria to land the Grand Slam.

It’s been a pleasure to have you with us onboard Jerusalem Airways over these past weeks as we’ve flown over Caledonia, Hibernia, Gaul and Italia. My apologies, though, for the unexpected turbulence over Italia. Our meteorologists, Messers Care and Flood, have been terminated and we thank Mr George Clancy for stepping in at short notice to compensate for their ineptitude.

This flight would not have been possible without the grand support of my entire crew. I’d like to thank my Cumbrian First Officer in particular for his always sage flying advice:


“Never leave it parked in neutral on a hill, Captain.”

As we enter the final phase of our flight over Cambria it’s appropriate to take stock of Jerusalem Airways’ performance. Personally, in all modesty, I feel the Captain’s hat sits more comfortably on my untinted locks these days. I’ve also devoted countless hours to practising my technical aspects:


“Flaps fully extended for landing … altitude too high, reduce power …”

William Blake must have had the Welsh valleys in mind when he penned the view of Heaven that is our true birthright. In further preparation, Camilla has woken me every morning with a massage, crooning:

“Bring me my bow of burning gold:
Bring me my arrows of desire:
Bring me my spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I shall not cease from rucks and mauls:
Nor shall the ball sleep in my hand:
Till we have borne the Grand Slam home:
To England’s green and pleasant land!”

Then she potters off to do the Hoovering in her onesie.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can’t promise there will be no turbulence at all over Cambria so please buckle your seatbelts, place your tray tables in the upright position, and lend me your support in pursuit of a personal quadruple – Insurer’s Cup, Victualler’s Cup, Insurer’s Shield and Grand Slam – with a rousing rendition of Blake’s Jerusalem!


“Mmmmm. I’ve got an idea for a nice little rhyme. Bound to sink without trace. Bugger.”

Recorded by Coddfish on her iPad in Seat 1A on Jerusalem Airlines Flight 2013GS

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746 Responses to This is your Captain Throbshaw in the cockpit again …

  1. laraxwell says:

    Good man Avs
    Don’t rise to it

  2. avsfan says:

    Oh come on fd – we’re a little more sophisticated than that nowadays. White man come on big silver bird. Bring things called bicycles. Get from village to village much faster now.

    Jaybus. I just looked at the spelling / punkchewayshun in my last post. Haven’t even had a beer yet.

  3. I am quite hammered. I have spent the last little while convincing the Irish barman that the most important thing his country ever did was invent the t- test at the Guinness brewery.

  4. laraxwell says:

    RoS will be travelling down Saturday in his Eng GS 13 shirt and a bottle of champagne
    I hope there be no Welsh fans on said train

  5. avsfan says:

    Right. Off home to take care of the beer situation.

  6. hope he brings a change of clothes

  7. laraxwell says:

    I was married in the hotel that was the birthplace of Guinness. The gardens to the rear contain the descendents of the original hop plants used by Richard Guinness who first brewed Guinness in the 1740’s

  8. @lara

    Revised then, your marriage and the t- test in equal first place for best things produced by Guinness.

  9. killerline says:

    Q: How many whippet breeders dopes it take to book a train to London?

    A: What’s t’train? Where’s t’London.

    Holy shit. This is so close to my dissing of RoS it’s bloody scary. AVS we’re kindred spirits brother.

  10. killerline says:


    I sure am. Cunningly I have the same name as on here. Send me a message mate.

  11. killerline says:

    Killer, spoke to RoS tonight re: travel arrangements. Got his plans for champagne sorted, but still doesn’t know what time we’re travelling.

    Meades. I can only imagine that you’ve underestimated me somehow. Or you’re both men that can’t read a time on a bit of paper. If it’s both it’ll be a slow start Saturday till I get you both up to speed.

    My guess is you’re on my train and he’s being a twat.

  12. killerline says:

    As is tradition for my blog steal I curse firstdifference.

  13. killerline says:

    Well I think that’s everyone dealt with. KJH want a piece?

  14. killerline says:

    Lara want a slice?

  15. killerline says:

    Yeah I thought not. Night all.

  16. poringbrick says:

    Hello! longtime lurker here. decided to come out today.

  17. Hello poringbrick. Best stay away fom me I’m afraid, it seems I’ve been cursed.

  18. poringbrick says:

    I am afraid I will be on the nightshift as well.

  19. poringbrick says:

    And top stuff, ATL.

  20. avsfan says:

    Love the name poringbrick. Welcome aboard. Where are you based?

    Holy shit. This is so close to my dissing of RoS it’s bloody scary. AVS we’re kindred spirits brother.

    Hole shit! I’m friends with a robot. And to thunk my wife said I was wasting my time on these blogs.

  21. @ avs

    Killer doesn’t have friends, only temporary allies.

  22. deebee7 says:

    Morning all!

    Poringbrick, you’ve opened Pandora’s box and there’s no turing back now. Enjoy the ride!

    hamnashida – just Kin and surrounds, although we’redriving down to Matadi on Friday and overnighting there to check out some logisitcs options. The Congo is indeed a paradox – somewhere between A Tale of Two Cities and Heart of Darkness. Beautiful country, wonderful people; barbarity and inhumanity lurk close to the surface.

  23. deebee7 says:

    Franschhoek is a stunning place too and for once you can trust a muppet – great restaurants, wonderful variety of estates from the commercial to the eclectic (My Wyn being a great example – the wines are hand made by a husband and wife team, using grapes bought from farmers in the area. The labels are sketches of nude ladies, with the figure matching the wines: the fuller bodied the wines, the more voluptuous the nude. Super bubbly too.). Definitely worth a trip if you can squeeze in more than one region.

    If you like seafood, it would have been worth driving up the Weskus (West Coast) to St Helena Bay and Paternoster – you can either get your own permit for kreef (lobster) or buy them, crab, prawns and mussels from the local fishermen along with snoek – a real delight cooked over open coals basted with apricot jam, garlic and spices.

  24. deebee7 says:

    Think I might plan a little trip to the Cape soon myself – Mrs Deebee needs a break and I always love going there. And Hamnashida – the B&B I referred to last night is Abbey Manor in Oranjezicht. Judy runs it (mate of mine) and it is excellent. Sorry overlords, not advertising as such, but the question was asked…..

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