Ladies and gentlemen, I’m delighted to announce that English rugby has been cleared for landing and we will shortly commence our final descent over Cambria to land the Grand Slam.
It’s been a pleasure to have you with us onboard Jerusalem Airways over these past weeks as we’ve flown over Caledonia, Hibernia, Gaul and Italia. My apologies, though, for the unexpected turbulence over Italia. Our meteorologists, Messers Care and Flood, have been terminated and we thank Mr George Clancy for stepping in at short notice to compensate for their ineptitude.
This flight would not have been possible without the grand support of my entire crew. I’d like to thank my Cumbrian First Officer in particular for his always sage flying advice:
As we enter the final phase of our flight over Cambria it’s appropriate to take stock of Jerusalem Airways’ performance. Personally, in all modesty, I feel the Captain’s hat sits more comfortably on my untinted locks these days. I’ve also devoted countless hours to practising my technical aspects:
William Blake must have had the Welsh valleys in mind when he penned the view of Heaven that is our true birthright. In further preparation, Camilla has woken me every morning with a massage, crooning:
“Bring me my bow of burning gold:
Bring me my arrows of desire:
Bring me my spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariot of fire!
I shall not cease from rucks and mauls:
Nor shall the ball sleep in my hand:
Till we have borne the Grand Slam home:
To England’s green and pleasant land!”
Then she potters off to do the Hoovering in her onesie.
Ladies and gentlemen, I can’t promise there will be no turbulence at all over Cambria so please buckle your seatbelts, place your tray tables in the upright position, and lend me your support in pursuit of a personal quadruple – Insurer’s Cup, Victualler’s Cup, Insurer’s Shield and Grand Slam – with a rousing rendition of Blake’s Jerusalem!
Recorded by Coddfish on her iPad in Seat 1A on Jerusalem Airlines Flight 2013GS