ROWNTREE SHOCK UFO CLAIM OVER EMBRASSING ENGLAND GS FLOP; SHOCK POTENTIAL SOLUTION TO ENGLAND 8 BLACK HOLE; EMBRA NOT SO EMBRASSING NOW; POC VIP ASAP FOR LIONS; TREVISO DO ITALIAN JOB ON BLUE BLUES; BEALE BOPS BUDDY IN BOKLAND
England forwards coach Graham Rowntree rocked the rugby universe to its foundations with a shocking claim that aliens had invaded the England squad.
“I snapped a picture [above] on my iPad of a mysterious object hovering above Twickenham during the game against Italy. It disturbed me enormously. It’s now my view that the Danny Care and Toby Flood who played against Italy were, in fact, aliens. I sat up on Saturday night and watched the [Wales] game again forensically,” the 41-year-old pair of cauliflower ears told the SUNDAY Hask exclusively. “Patently obviously the aliens had substituted all 23 of our team.”
The 41-year-old pair of cauliflower ears went on to tell the SUNDAY Hask exclusively that he will request answers from the IRB’s Inter-Stellar Rugby Development chief Joel Jutge about the aliens’ role in England’s abject GS failure.
The SUNDAY Hask can reveal exclusively that the 41-year-old human cauliflower hasn’t flipped his florets. A SUNDAY Hask photographer, disguised, in order not to draw attention to himself, as an under-performing ginger right-winger who can’t tackle, joined in England squad training and snapped this shocking photograph.
But all things alien might not be disastrous for English rugby. Our SUNDAY Hask photographer snapped a shocking potential solution to England’s shocking lack of a powerful ball-carrying 8.
In other only marginally less shocking weekend rugby news – unless you’re an Embra supporter – Embra ended their season-long embrassment with a comfortable win over an embrassed Ulster, while talismanic leader POC returned from long-term injury to rally Munster to thump Weshties Connacht, laying shock claim to Lions’ leadership in the process, and Treviso – aka Gli Azzurri – picked up where they left off against Ireland by adding to the Blues’ blues.
Meanwhile, it was sadly no great shock that troubled Wallaby Kurtley Beale is reported to have punched his Melbourne Rebels teammate Cooper Vuna while on tour in Bokland, a refreshing change from punching complete strangers.
In a rare reflective moment, the SUNDAY Hask wishes a way could be found to save Kurtley Beale, mainly from himself.
In next week’s bumper action-packed edition of the SUNDAY Hask, an exclusive interview with England’s new powerful ball-carrying 8 including shocking revelations: