FRENCH RUGBY COACH LEFT BONCE-LESS IN SHOCK FROG U-TURN ON FIGURATIVE SPEECH; WEEGIES KO POC IN SHOCK SUNDAY Hask FIGURATIVE SPEECH FIGHTBACK; THROBSHAWLESS QUINS GLAWSED IN SHOCKING SUNDAY Hask PUN; ULSTER ULCERS FOR SHOCKED SUNDAY Hask PUNDIT
The rugby world was reeling this weekend and Philippe Saint-André was left looking for something to scratch after Frog fan suggestions that he be sacrificed for the good of French rugby was taken literally.
The shocking moment captured exclusively [above] for the SUNDAY Hask by our Paris correspondent, Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio, our SUNDAY Hask sources tell us Saint-André’s last words were, “Feck! Read Aristotle on the differences between figurative and literal, you bastards!”
Stunned FFR VP Serge Blanco told the SUNDAY Hask exclusively, “I slipped out of the room for a toilet break” – a wee, 135 pies and a carton of Gitanes, according to SUNDAY Hask sources – “and next thing I knew there was a guy with a beard with a pillowslip around his waist and a knife and next thing I knew PSA defined headless chook. Zut alors!”
The SUNDAY Hask believes ex-Les Bleus coach Moustache Lièvremont has gone into hiding fearful that the shock linguistic U-turn will be applied retroactively to Les Bleus fan suggestions that a Scud Missile be jammed up his arse and detonated.
In other only marginally less shocking weekend rugby news, the Weegies tonked Munster to top the Rabies rabble while Quins proved they can be as ineffective without skipper Throbshaw as they are with him in falling to Glaws for their third consecutive loss. Quins boss Conor O’Shea said he was “devastated” for his players.
And it was Ulster ulcers for this SUNDAY Hask pundit as the NornIrishmen nipped home against Leinster, nixing your pundit’s Rabies tipping clean-sweep in the process.
SUNDAY Hask STOP PRESS Our Paris stringer, Lucas The Younger Cranach, on hand as the FFR and the LNR met to begin negotiations on the FFR’s access to players for international matches, reports that the shocking highlight of the dinner on the opening night was the Cassoulet of PSA’s Head as his SUNDAY Hask exclusive snap shows.
Meanwhile, the search for a new French coach continues. The SUNDAY Hask understands there have been no applicants.