No More Debate: Definitive Results

Jib-O-Meter_500_still

It’s here. After literally some research, the Jib-O-Meter 500 MkI (International Calibration) is here.

The Breakthrough!

The Breakthrough!

It was only through the fortuitous discovery of the Sexton-Flood Null Point [above] that this massive leap forward in objective judgement of Flyhalf play was made possible. The Nobel committee have been made aware.

Anyway, enough of this preamble, let’s get on to the important stuff – the ending of doubt – the first set of results are in. Let’s just quickly familiarise ourselves with the Jib-O-Meter 500.

Obviously, the main reading is Jib, notice that there is a large area of sub-zero Jib. This is because, during my research, I found that actually, positive readings were very rare, almost as rare as zero readings, so the meter is calibrated to reflect this. The only other readout to pay attention to is the OF LED (DC LED in SH versions) – this indicates an overload of Jib. Okay? Now, the results:

Jib-O-Meter_500_Sexton-FlooThis is the actual run on Jonny Sexton. You will see the meter reading exactly 0 mKutts of Jib.

An unusual result only seen again in the Flood run. I won’t publish that meter as it’s identical.

Now is a good time to describe what exactly Jib is and how it can be detected.

The Jib Field permeates all space in the universe and acts at right angles to the more well known Higgs Field. Due to this 90° orientation to the Higgs Field, perturbations in the Jib Field have the effect of lessening matter’s resistance to the Higgs Field. This makes the matter in the area of the Jib perturbations less massive and move through time more quickly relative to the non-perturbed area.

As there are always perturbations in the Jib Field, it was only when the highly unusual Sexton-Flood Null Point was detected, that any kind of useful calibration could be made, and this groundbreaking meter constructed. It does require additional hardware of course to keep it synchronised with the timeline of the rugby match being observed.

Jib-O-Meter 500 Synchroniser

Jib-O-Meter 500 Synchroniser

Now, for the outstanding result in the Northern Hemisphere:

This run almost blew the meter!

This run almost blew the meter!

This, as I’m sure you will have surmised, was the run taken on Owen Farrell during the Autumn International against the All Blacks.

Sadly, the system was completely overloaded by Farrell in the opening weekend of this years Six Nations, so no further runs were possible in the competition. It is hoped that it will be up and functioning again for the Lions series at the latest. Low power runs are planned for the Quins – Munster match this weekend.

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About sagmog

Just the facts, man.
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724 Responses to No More Debate: Definitive Results

  1. meadesian says:

    Him being Wade of course. Way to torpedo a point there.

  2. Droptheclaw says:

    Daff, are you having a different conversation to everyone else?

  3. tichtheid says:

    The main thing that stops me from stopping drinking is that I don’t have any decent tales to tell – no “ohhh naw, don’t remind me of that”, at least not since I was about 25.

    It’s all been a bit mundane since then, sitting watching rugby or youtubes of old country songs on a computer, drinking.

    Killer, I’m with you from Monday, the day after my birthday.

  4. Droptheclaw says:

    Lovely work, Nacewa. And he’s retiring next month? Jesus.

  5. sunbeamtim says:

    Evening Meades ( Steve) . I dont want to start knocking the fella yet , and the Argentine tour may well be pretty rough , but we have a few holes to fill , and we do want to be blooding some more world cup squad members well before next years six nations .May and Wade being prime examples , but i suspect at elast one of them will be in Australia .

  6. Droptheclaw says:

    It’s all been a bit mundane since then, sitting watching rugby or youtubes of old country songs on a computer, drinking.

    *stands up*

    No, I’m Spartacus!

  7. daffodane says:

    Claw the boys had an infection/virus for the last two days, no sleep for all, so maybe? Think I was replying to sumbeamtim’s comment on who’s the best winger.

  8. Droptheclaw says:

    Ah, I see, Daff. Hope your future Danish international is recovering. As indeed are you.

  9. Droptheclaw says:

    Hugo’s on!

  10. sagmog says:

    Is Sexton still injured?
    Or is the Amlin simply beneath him?

  11. crashtopuss says:

    Missed most of today’s stuff so apologies if this was posted earlier but our Thaumaturge has become a bit of a minor Graun celeb.

    No shout-out for us lot though…

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/apr/05/guardian-cif-commenter-interview-thaumaturge

  12. Chekhovian says:

    Yes to living in the Hebrides, no to working in Mordor!

    That’s the long term plan, anyway. Got an interview on Thursday for a new job that pays well but will keep me in Mordor for the foreseeable.

  13. Canaryatthewharf says:

    Sag

    Believe he failed a fitness test. Though the way Madigan is playing he might be relegated to the bench for the rest of the season once he’s back!

  14. Droptheclaw says:

    Sexton is injured, but back next week.

  15. Porce-Cat says:

    @Tim 3, 6 it’s just arbitrary. What you on about geezer?

  16. daffodane says:

    We’ll be fine, enjoying the game and don’t want to give in, but I’ve slouched down on the couch and watching it with one eye at the moment, might see the last 5mins then through in the towel. .

    Wade and Madigan look like good outside bets for the Lions, especially Madigan for FH cover.

  17. Droptheclaw says:

    Chek – one does not simply walk away from Mordor

  18. Droptheclaw says:

    I like Madigan’s jib quite a lot.

  19. sagmog says:

    @Claw.
    You’re right.
    One runs.

  20. crashtopuss says:

    I could definitely see Madigan surpassing Sexton and becoming Ireland’s first choice 10 sooner rather than later. I too really like the cut of his jib so far.

  21. Droptheclaw says:

    Wasps getting a bit of a pasting now. Leinster are easy on the eye.

  22. Droptheclaw says:

    Nice hand off from Thor there, too.

  23. daffodane says:

    That’s it for Wasps and me.

    [starts to crawl up stairs]

  24. Chekhovian says:

    @DTC

    Not with 10,000 men could you do this. It is folly…

  25. crashtopuss says:

    Wasps getting a bit of a pasting now. Leinster are easy on the eye.

    It’s cos they’re ridiculously well-paid chancers in a powder-puff league who play three matches a year and never have to front up like real men week after week, Rabo-cheats, IMF something something, rabble, rabble, rabble.

    I believe that’s the thinking in some quarters.

  26. Droptheclaw says:

    Perhaps if it was an abandoned Mosque…..

    Nice Nacewa, nice.

  27. Droptheclaw says:

    MY taxes bail YOU LOT out, etc and so on. This is not the Leinster I saw Connacht do a big poop on some months ago.

  28. Droptheclaw says:

    Commentator a little obsessed with the point to minute ratio.

  29. crashtopuss says:

    I love seeing a team make a successful charge-down and make something of it. Well taken try by Isa (one of his last ever 😦 ). It’s nice when teams make the effort to attempt something as minor but potentially useful as attempting a charge-down. Especially this late in a game and being as well in the lead as Leinster are.

  30. yosoy says:

    Nowhere near enough love for Jauzion here. The true king of centres.

  31. crashtopuss says:

    Commentator a little obsessed with the point to minute ratio.

    What’s the general cognative disonance when NH games run up a scoreline like this and it’s not considered pooper-scooper basketball rugby?

  32. Droptheclaw says:

    Far too many tackles being broken there. How many just spun out?

  33. Droptheclaw says:

    Challenge Cup doesn’t count, Crash. I mean, I once saw Connacht score ten points in a Challenge Cup match. Ten?! Ah, halcyon days.

  34. Droptheclaw says:

    27-19 down in Aimé Giral, Perp have had a man sent off

  35. Droptheclaw says:

    Nice quote by Shaggy on Wade: ‘he’d go round you in a phonebox’

  36. meadesian says:

    Yos, I’ll be your second for Jauzion. Such a classy player in his pomp. Hung on a bit too long at test level perhaps.

  37. Droptheclaw says:

    Jauzion was lovely to watch – had a great game agin the ABs in ’07, if I recall correctly.

  38. yosoy says:

    Meades is right. Very classy.

    No centre in Europe gets his hands free in contact like Jauzion. A dream to watch.

  39. tichtheid says:

    Jauzion – great player, but “true king of centres”?

    Not the best French centre I’ve seen – Sella and Charvet are the best pairing I’ve seen and Sella is the best individual.

  40. tichtheid says:

    I’m really hoping that Fickou and Fofana will be the new best ever pairing.

  41. Wolfie says:

    Fickou seems to have all the physical attributes but, dare I say it – he’s a bit Fik

  42. sagmog says:

    Morrison and DeLuca?

  43. Wolfie says:

    Awful lot of non-French players on the pitch in Perpignan – is that a growing problem here?

  44. killerline says:

    Jamie Noon and Jamie Noon?

  45. killerline says:

    Fuck off… I didn’t kill the blog.

    It was gasping for breath when I turned up.

    Underdog??????????

  46. tichtheid says:

    Your fingerprints are all over it, killer and there is a taped outline on the road where the blog once stood.

  47. meadesian says:

    It was him officer, it was him wot did it!

  48. avsfan says:

    @ Killer-Cat:

    @AVS I’m in.

    OK. I’ll take the Canes, straight win or loss, no points spread.

  49. Wait, who is betting on the Tahs? Who came up with that daft idea? Just gonna lose, unless they’re playing the Blues, then it’s a dead cert victory.

  50. MisterIks says:

    Anyone else suffering from unexpected ‘Porce-Cat’ phenomena? You know, you are brushing your teeth or loading stuff into the car boot or whatever, and the name ‘Porce-Cat’ just drifts into your head for no good reason?

    Quite frankly it’s been spooking me out these last few days.

  51. I found the image of the Porce-Cat in a tortilla. It started weeping tears of blood.

  52. Or it might have been hot sauce. Who really knows? I am claiming it as a miracle, however.

  53. tichtheid says:

    If you play some Girls Aloud tracks backwards you’ll hear salutations to the Porce-cat

  54. avsfan says:

    Bloody Sharks. Was that 7 penalties to Lambie?

  55. coddfish says:

    First post of the morning?

  56. killerline says:

    @Coddfish

    Dead cert at 0700 on a Saturday….

  57. coddfish says:

    Yeah, sailing season beckons again, have a nice day

  58. bedfordbluesfan says:

    @MVML

    Thanks for St Margaret’s recommendation. Leaving the car at Staines though and getting train in from there. Shortens the drive cosiderably. Decided to meet at Twickenham station and have a wander. Mates are hoping to find somewhere for a curry after the game, I’m bringing sandwiches as I think there is no chance of that!

  59. dermott says:

    Nick off to Scotland, Brendan McKibbin.

  60. coddfish says:

    Canes are brilliant this morning

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