Rejoice, the time has come. The Inter-Galactic Rugby Football Union (IGRFU) had spotted the potential of the game on planet Earth through close observation of its Northern and Southern hemisphere competitions.
They were concerned about the lack of skills and tries in the North and thought the South’s Pooper Scooper efforts promising but naive.
At a meeting of the IGRFU on the planet known to you earthlings as OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb – between 3,300 and 21,500 light years from Earth depending whether you travel Express or RyanSpace – they resolved to act.
Their strategy was for a squad of 35 of us born in 2013 in diverse locations but predominantly the Southern Hemisphere.
Our parents were carefully selected for the task and we each have special characteristics derived from our parents’ running and handling skills and physical attributes.
I am one of the Chosen Ones.
Planet Earth’s representative Richie McCaw has taken a sabbatical to travel to OGLE-2005-BLG-390Lb to negotiate terms with the IGRFU. The IRB’s penny-pinching saw McCaw travelling RyanSpace which may compromise his negotiating abilities on arrival.
Others of us are already amongst you. Sadie O’Driscoll has already joined me, Marco James Carter, as a Chosen One with the more mature Archie Barnes under consideration for inclusion despite inheriting his father’s 70s porn-star ‘tache. Tests are being conducted on Isaiah Kepu, Aaron Strokosch and Rossalie du Plessis as I write this on my Fisher Price iPad.
The Farrell family had been missioned to produce a Chosen One, but Farrell Snr got his timing wrong by about 21 years, and Farrell Jnr is, according to IGRFU monitors, jettisoning his bombs before the misson has been completed.
Meanwhile, specialised training in key rugby fundamentals goes on.
In addition, the word around the changing tables is that hyper-specialised breeding programs are underway in the Southern Hemisphere to improve blatantly obvious existing weaknesses.
Finally, the IRGU’s strategy to improve the standards of rugby coaching on Earth is being retooled after first-generation coaching models including Kidney and Saint-André were found to have short-circuited, with Deans’ wiring hanging by a thread.
Found by Coddfish scribbled on a Wet-One in a Rotorua shopping centre baby-changing room