Rev William Webb Ellis Live – In The Technical Sense – And Exclusive!

kalenderblatt414~_v-image512_-6a0b0d9618fb94fd9ee05a84a1099a13ec9d3321An exclusive from-beyond-the-grave interview with Reverend William Webb Ellis who not only sticks to his heavenly guns over the claim that he originated rugby but offers proof:

AoD: Reverend Webb Ellis, good morning and thanks for agreeing to talk to Art of Domination.

WWE: It’s a pleasure. It’s morning there where you are?

AoD: It is. What time is it where you are?

WWE: Half-time. It’s perpetually half-time in the afterlife, a breather after the jolly first half, oranges with the chums, a shared medicinal brandy, japes. No bare pink buttock is safe from Tomkinson with his rapier-like wet towel. On the whole, I wouldn’t be alive again for anything.

AoD: I must say you’re coming through loud and clear, Reverend.

"Did you invent rugby?" "Yes, I invented it to DOMINATE it!" "Who is this?" "James Haskell." "Are you dead?" "Only to the selectors."

“Did you invent rugby?”
“Yes, I invented rugby to DOMINATE it!”
“Who is this?”
“James Haskell.”
“Are you dead?”
“Only to the PE Teacher.”

WWE: We move with the times in the afterlife. Skype has been a boon.

AoD: And ouija boards lack a certain …

WWE: Je ne sais quoi.

AoD: You died in France …

WWE: I did indeed. In 1872.

AoD: Your thoughts on French rugby at the moment?

WWE: I showed more intelligence when I picked up the ball and ran with it in 1823.

AoD: Ah. Speaking of which, it’s now acknowledged that you didn’t originate rugby in 1823 at Rugby School by picking up the ball and running with it during a game of Association Football.

WWE: I’m flabbergasted! No one has ever questioned it before!

    "Did you really pick up the ball and run with it in 1823?"    "You have reached Reverend Webb Ellis' psychic answering machine. Please leave a message."

“Reverend Webb Ellis, did you really pick up the ball and run with it in 1823?”
“You have reached Reverend Webb Ellis’ psychic answering machine. Please leave a message.”

AoD: Reverend, the story that you picked up the ball and ran with it didn’t emerge until 1876 – four years after your death – reported by someone who couldn’t have witnessed it because he left Rugby School three years before it was supposed to have happened.

WWE: Your point being?

AoD: That no one actually watching on the day – who witnessed it – ever mentioned it. You don’t find that odd?

WWE: God witnessed it. We still chat about it.

AoD: Given that He’s probably unavailable to talk to us –

WWE: He doesn’t give interviews. My boy, if I didn’t originate rugby, why did the IRB name the game’s most prestigious trophy in my memory?

"I can confirm that I saw Reverend Webb Ellis pick up the ball and run with it at Rugby S

“I saw Reverend Webb Ellis pick up the ball and run with it at Rugby School in 1823. Trust me.”

AoD: The IRB keep appointing Alain Rolland. Their credibility’s up there with Bashar al-Assad’s.

WWE: Very well. I have proof that I originated rugby.

AoD: Art of Domination would be pleased to see it, Reverend.

WWE: Just let me find it.

AoD: We have all the time in the world.

WWE: I do, my boy. You don’t. Here –

The 'Foul' That Started Rugby FootballAoD: What? A cartoon?

WWE: You’d like more proof?

AoD: I haven’t seen any proof!

WWE: Here –

main2edc-300x206AoD: That’s just a painting! Of an entirely different scene. You’re wearing different clothes, you’re wearing a cap when you weren’t before, and your hair’s a different colour!

WWE: (sighs) What a Doubting Thomas you are …

AoD: My name’s dermott.

WWE: Whatever your name, my boy, faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to.

"Little girl, one day in 1823, in a country a long way away, I picked up a ball and ran with it."

“Little girl, one day in 1823, in a country a long long long way away, I picked up a ball and ran with it.”

AoD: Now you’re quoting Hollywood movies to me. That’s from Miracle on 34th Street. The 1947 version. Reverend, I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on the origins of rugby. But we do have some Skype credit left. Would you be prepared to stay around to answer some questions from our Art of Domination BTLers?

WWE: What sort of questions?

AoD: Well, for example, do you have a favourite biscuit?

WWE: Oh, that’s easy. A communion wafer. I’d be delighted to answer your friends’ questions. Are they Doubting Thomases too?

AoD: Let’s find out …

BTLers, post your questions for Reverend Webb Ellis to answer live – in the technical sense – and exclusively before our Skype credit runs out

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645 Responses to Rev William Webb Ellis Live – In The Technical Sense – And Exclusive!

  1. killerline says:

    @Clyde democracy’s definitely to blame for that loss.

  2. crashtopuss says:

    So, so, so fucking sick of losing to a team with Jaime Heaslip in it.

  3. crashtopuss says:

    Right, match thoughts now that I’ve calmed down a little.

    POC – immense. The kick on Kearney was unfortunate but he was going for the ball, got it with his toe and the rest clattered Kearney. Clumsy but not malicious. Anyone else notice that whenever Cullen comes up against POC he turns into a niggly little shit?

    For the second match in a row Tommy O’Donnell was yet again probably the best back row on the pitch despite not having an international cap to his name. That’ll change with the summer tour to the States hopefully. Overall the Munster back row had the upper hand in this game, which probably surprised most.

    Dave Kilcoyne looks like he’ll become a serious operator as his career grows. Was nice to see Archer do so well in the scrums, its been an area he’s struggled at in the past. Overall Munster’s scrum had the edge I think, which again would surprise most. The lineout did a real number on Leinster’s too.

    Was interesting to watch Rob Kearney’s and Heaslip’s faces throughout the game. It was as if they could feel whatever they felt their Lions chances were slipping away. Kearney in particular looked shook that Zebo was outplaying him in the air and driving him to distraction elsewhere.

    Anyone else see around the 31st minute BOD throwing a punch as he went in to clean a ruck? Didn’t see a replay but it looked pretty blatant in the split-second that I saw it. Have the match recorded and will check later. If that’s what it was then between that and his carry-on in the Italy game I can only feel a bit let down in him resorting to that sort of temper tantrum.

  4. ClydeMillerWynant says:

    Killer – my understanding is that the 76-0 was a result of the betrayal of the army by the government and society in general. RoS’ experience today is the result of weak government by racially impure sexual deviants. Or something like that. There may also be a worldwide conspiracy of some sort involved. I’ll look into it.

  5. ClydeMillerWynant says:

    So perhaps it is possible to turn into a dirty player at the age of 147 after all?

  6. tcod says:

    Not long home from Thomond. My impression from the game was that Munster had most of the ball, most of the territory, played most of the rugby but still lost. Seriously, Nigel Owens (yes Yosoy, a Munster man criticizing Nigel Owens) was allowing Leinster get away with all kinds of stuff at the breakdown, and they were constantly rucking ahead of the ball. I know that their disallowed try in the first few minutes should have stood, but other than that we were hard done by.
    Fair play to Leinster though. Their defense was very good, and the drive for their try was well constructed. I still can’t believe we lost though.

  7. crashtopuss says:

    @clyde

    Who knows? Maybe BOD’s been nursing all these cheap shots he’s received all these years and is now, in likely his final years, starting to dish some of it back out…

  8. crashtopuss says:

    I still can’t believe we lost though.

    That makes two of us, Tcod.

  9. killerline says:

    @Tcod

    Question marks over the fairness of both Munster scores from a neutral’s perspective.

    Was a scrabbly game, every breakdown contested to the limit doesn’t mean the backs get much of a run-out.
    Owens allows more ball-slowing than a lot of refs.

  10. killerline says:

    @Crash

    I expected you to be mad at the Munster showing. Shows what I know…

    All a bit super-bosh. The centres are playing well but are limited.
    The back row played very well, but a lot of that was slowing Leinster down.
    No change in game evident at all.

  11. tcod says:

    As you said earlier Crash, a big shout out for Tommy O’Donnell, Davey Kilcoyne, and Zebo. If Zebo doesn’t travel to OZ, there’s something wrong. Also, Varley was very good. Best game he’s had this year. He even hit his jumpers consistently. In the pre-match warm-up, he missed every throw (as usual), and we feared the worst..

    I know that it doesn’t really make a difference to us, and I’m actually glad if it helps Leinster get a home semi, but that one hurt a little.

  12. ClydeMillerWynant says:

    Crash – may be the ageing superstar thing of frustration at not being able to do what he used to. Then again, more likely nothing in it – just a rush of blood to the head or two.

  13. tcod says:

    Owens allows more ball-slowing than a lot of refs.

    @Killer
    I wouldn’t put it like that. He allows more of a contest for the ball before he calls ‘ruck’, and that is something I like, as long as the contest is fair. It may sound like sour grapes, but I think he allowed Leinster seal, come in from the side, and seal.

    I didn’t see anything wrong with the Munster tries. What was there?

    I must say also that I though that the quality of rugby deteriorated a little, but everyone around me was saying what a cracking game it was in the first half.

  14. tcod says:

    …and to add insult to injury, I didn’t do so well in the Suoerbru S15. My lead was reduced in both groups. There were some unusual results though.

  15. crashtopuss says:

    @killer

    The conditions were absolutely manky so we would have been foolish to try any fancy-dan stuff like zipping it out to Zebo all the time. We played the conditions and just faded a bit in the last 10. Hardly surprising given the exertions against Quins and only a 6 day turn around. Compared to Leinster’s easy run out against Wasps and an extra day’s rest.

    @tcod

    Varley was brilliant. Others prefer Sherry (Lara or Larry or both – can’t recall) as he’s more of a rounded player but I love Varley for his power and aggression, two things he has the clear edge on over Sherry. At one point he both stopped SOB dead and held him up in the tackle. That’s bloody rare enough to see. I do love that they both have distinctive strengths that allow us to pick and mix for different games.

    I’ve said it before but what is the point of Devin Toner? Taking Roux off after 30 minutes cost Leinster a lot of scrum power and Toner didn’t do a whole lot to stabilise the line-out; the sole reason he was on. Plus, for a guy that’s 6ft 10 and 18+ stone, he’s probably the most underpowered player I’ve ever seen. He runs into contact far too high (understandable given his size) but time and again I’ve seen him stopped dead in his tracks by guys a full foot smaller. Richie Gray is the same height and weight and he can smash people when he wants. Not Devin though.

  16. tcod says:

    I’ll just ramble away to myself then, shall I?

  17. killerline says:

    Well the first one the studio thought Varley pilfered the ball illegally from the turnover ruck; not a ridiculous accusation. Personally I thought Leinster were too soft too near their own line.

    The second was whether BOD was blocked in defence. I thought he was.
    Munster got the benefit of the doubt in both cases.

    Plus Kearney’s non-try looked clear as day to me…still.
    I enjoyed the game a great deal.
    The Lions niggle added to it and ZEBO will haunt Rob Kearney for the rest of the month.

  18. tcod says:

    @Crash
    It’s probably with me that you’ve had the Varley / Sherry debate. I’d still go for Sherry normally, because of his ability at the set piece.

  19. killerline says:

    what is the point of Devin Toner?

    If possible, this was one of his least effective showings.

    He’s just really, really tall.

  20. tcod says:

    @Killer
    I thought Varley pilfered the ball fairly, and I didn’t see the block on BOD. I must have had my red glasses on.
    About Zebo, not only is he a great talent, but he’s quite the showman. When people were chanting ‘ZEBO ZEBO ZEBO’, he was conducting. Very funny.

  21. killerline says:

    @Tcod

    you don’t have to sell me ZEBO.

    I was chanting too.

    What a fucking player.

  22. crashtopuss says:

    @killer

    Unless Kearney plays some sensational rugby for the rest of the season I think Zebo killed off his Lions chances tonight. Kearney didn’t show enough over the 6N to give Gatland a reason to pick him over Hogg or Halfpenny. Gatland will also be aware that Zebo himself can play wing and full back.

    @Tcod

    We might well have thrashed that one out before. I’m more than happy for Penney to select them the way Schmidt selects Boss and Redan; Redan when you need something fancy, Boss when you need the extra muscle.

  23. killerline says:

    @Crash I think that was my point.

    Instead of writing it in words I just used:

    ZEBO

  24. crashtopuss says:

    @killer

    That’s your robo-efficiency kicking in.

  25. killerline says:

    As I’ve already said I fully endorsed Boss’ MOTM.

    An unfussy and efficient performance with some relatively slow ball.

  26. killerline says:

    The Irish flavour to the Lions improves.

    I’m worried about Healy.

    Again as I bored humans with earlier, his body position going into contact was poor all game. Something that can be rectified I guess…

  27. killerline says:

    Aylwin’s lobbying for Wade on the Guardian.

  28. killerline says:

    Killer you’re boring, go do something else.

  29. crashtopuss says:

    Keatley also came out on top of the battle of the 10s and really does deserve some time in the Ireland squad. Fingers crossed he too gets some game time during the summer tour. As fine a player as Jackson is both Keatley and Madigan are ahead of him. With Sexton possibly facing more injuries in france earning his moolah then it’s not impossible to forsee Madigan taking the helm at Ireland sooner rather than later. If that’s the case then Keatley is the likely back-up 10 and needs as much exposure to international rugby as Madigan does.

    Was disappointed Hanrahan didn’t get off the bench. Like Zebo he’s a player with a bit of an x-factor and he may have produced something in the last 10. Who knows?

  30. tcod says:

    Ok, that’s enough rugby for now, except to say that despite the loss, I enjoyed my trip to Thomond immensely. I’d a great chat with a semi-retired farmer, that had just driven for nearly three hours from Roscarbery in West Cork.
    I’ve just refilled my glass with some nice Chardonnay, and all of a sudden the world seems like a nice place. Now, to see the end of the 3rd day of the masters. I’ve a tee-off time of 9.30 am tomorrow.

  31. Again as I bored humans with earlier, his body position going into contact was poor all game. Something that can be rectified I guess…

    Upon reflection it is amazing how many professional rugby players consistently get this wrong.

  32. crashtopuss says:

    Healy will be fine I think. He has the occasional slump but he always comes roaring back.

    Boss did have a fine game and I’ve no problems with the MOTM either.

    Any word on DOC’s knee? It looked bad. He was in tears going off the field, which suggests it was serious. I doubt he’s factoring in Gatland’s plans at all but DOC would have been targetting the Lions regardless. And as much as I was incredibly frustrated at how long Kidney selected him ahead of Ryan I do have to say that DOC has been having a tremendous season for Munster whenever he’s been called upon. Possibly his best season for us in a few years. I think they said during the match that he’s top of the Rabo tackle stats for the season (140).

  33. tichtheid says:

    Again as I bored humans with earlier, his body position going into contact was poor all game. Something that can be rectified I guess…

    The thing Jim Telfer was peerless in was correcting this.

    He used to hold a rugby boot at a certain height behind rucks, if you hit the ruck at the height of the boot or above he’d smack you on the back of the head with it.
    Long studs too.

  34. tichtheid says:

    Crash, I’ve got a lot of time for DOC.

    Dunno why, I just seem to like him.

  35. ClydeMillerWynant says:

    “He used to hold a rugby boot at a certain height behind rucks, if you hit the ruck at the height of the boot or above he’d smack you on the back of the head with it.
    Long studs too”

    Tremendous. Quite right too – and no place for this sort of thing in a democracy.

  36. crashtopuss says:

    @ticht

    He’s an honest grafter. His work rate is huge and he’s one of the unsung heroes that all teams have that make it his business to do all the unglamourous grunt work.

    Right, that’s me done for the evening. Take it handy y’all.

  37. MisterIks says:

    This wind is enormous.

    Quite.

  38. Monnem says:

    Maybe BOD’s been nursing all these cheap shots he’s received all these years and is now, in likely his final years, starting to dish some of it back out…

    Crash, your captain kicked an opposition player in the head tonight, so maybe you should wind your neck in a little bit. At best O’Connell’s actions were reckless, at worst deliberate.

  39. crashtopuss says:

    Crash, your captain kicked an opposition player in the head tonight, so maybe you should wind your neck in a little bit. At best O’Connell’s actions were reckless, at worst deliberate.

    Simmer down, I was clearly being tongue in cheek about BOD. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.

    POC’s kick was unfortunate and clumsy, there was nothing deliberate about it. Suggestions that he did it on purpose to actually KO a prone player would much more fall under the category of “wind your neck in” than anything I said about BOD nursing the legion of cheap shots he’s taken.

  40. tichtheid says:

    I think you are mistaken, Monnem.

    Anyways, in other news McCaw is to take the whole pooper scooper season off, playing only amateur rugby before coming back to test level in August.

    http://www.timescolonist.com/sports/mccaw-to-miss-entire-super-rugby-season-will-prepare-for-return-to-tests-in-amateur-leagues-1.109916

  41. tichtheid says:

    sings;

    ALL BY MA SELF
    DON WANNA BE ALL BY MA SELF……

  42. crashtopuss says:

    Come to think of it, Kearney’s older brother, three captains past and present (Heaslip, Cullen, BOD) and a genuine hard nut in SOB all saw it happen, as well as the ref and officials and not one of them reacted like they thought it was deliberate either. I’ll watch the recording later but I don’t recall any of them reacting like it was foul play, and in a match with as much niggle as that one something like thinking an opposition player tried to deliberately mangle your team-mate/brother would have started a mass brawl.

    He may yet be cited for it I guess but then it’s an issue for the powers that be. As I said, I’ll check the recording tomorrow but I’m fairly sure in the 31st minute I saw BOD clear a ruck by leading with a sneaky punch. I hope not as he always seemed above that sort of thing and it was literally a split-second motion, which the commentators didn’t pick up on and of which there was no replay. I could well be mistaken but it certainly looked like something.

  43. tichtheid says:

    If they cite for that then the whole citing process is a bollocks.

    Ahem.

  44. crashtopuss says:

    Right, gotta love you and leave you Ticht.

    Forgot to say it earlier but well done Leinster.

    Bastards.

    Sorry to butt into your post, Crash.

    Happy Blessed Peter González (aka St Elmo) Day to you all. Your THE SUNDAY Hask is now available at your local newsagent or convenience store:

    https://artofdomination.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/the-sunday-hask-bumper-blessed-peter-gonzalez-aka-st-elmo-day-edition-april-14th-2013/

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