Not The Honey Badger Diaries (III)

imagesMay 15th, 2013

Dear Raidy,

Here I am, back with a thigh-slapper! See what I did? Mucked all the letters in Diary around again? There oughta be a law against me splitting so many people’s sides. Guilty, Your Worship, of slaying ’em in the aisles!

Anyrate, it’s been so long since I wrote in me diary that I’d almost forgotten how to write so I took the crayons along to Poey for a quick catch-up lesson.


Poey’s so pure he even showers in his undies.

Great bloke, Poey, even with the religion and all. “Bless you, Badge”, he reckoned to me, “for you know not what an Anserini you are.” Thighs like telegraph poles and educated. What a guy.

So where have I been recently? Went and bunged my knee, didn’t I. Missed a heap of Super 15, could even have screwed my chances of a gig against the Lions!

I mean, imagine it, a paddockful of Lions. Every Honey Badger’s fantasy. Canastas begging to be clawed off left, right and everywhere else and this Honey Badger could be parking his bum cheeks in the grandstand!

The punters’ll stay away in droves, the ARU’ll be even further up shit financial creek without a paddle, the Lions’ll romp it in and Link’ll be nosing his Lexus into Dingo’s ARU parking space. And not a bad thing. At least Link speaks Australian even if he’s spent too long in Queensland. All his sentences go up at the end? Funny fellas, Queenslanders, like they’ve never heard of a full stop?

Not that I’ve given up hope for the Lions, like. I asked Poey to put in a word with The Big Kahuna – not Dingo, The Bigger Kahuna even than Dingo – for Digby and Joe Tomane and Cooper Vuna and a few other wingers to go down with dysentery. Fair’s fair, they were at Poey to put a word in with The Big Kahuna for me to get leprosy on the autumn tour last year. We stick together us wingers.

Jeez, how I missed playin’ rugby. pingpongGot so bored I even took up ping-pong. Couldn’t get the hang of them stupid bat things so I’d have a feed of beans and cabbage, jam the ball up my clacker and fire it out jet-propelled! Phaw! They never even saw the ball coming. Talk about ping-pong! Haaaa! I’m on fire today!

Nick-CumminsPlus, when I wasn’t emptying out the clubhouse with my raspberry tarts I was doing a bit of male modelling. Who knew modelling was as easy as flopping our yer bum cheeks! TPN reckons I’ve got a big future in modelling with my bum cheeks. I told him he’s got a big future as a dunny brush with his hair. Haaaaaa! They just keep on coming!

But fun and all as it was, it wasn’t rugby I’m here to tell you. It wasn’t cranking up to claw a shedload of canastas off a paddockful of Lions.

Freakin’ Barnsey gave me the Lions squad list to have a look at. Just to rub it in. Prick. So I had a look. To be fair dinkum honest, I couldn’t place a lot of the names in their backs:

Iain Balshaw (Bath and England), Matt Perry (Bath and England), Ben Cohen (Northampton and England), Dafydd James (Llanelli and Wales), Dan Luger (Saracens and England), Jason Robinson (Sale and England), Mike Catt (Bath and England), Will Greenwood (Harlequins and England), Rob Henderson (Wasps and Ireland), Brian O’Driscoll (Blackrock College and Ireland), Mark Taylor (Swansea and Wales), Neil Jenkins (Cardiff and Wales), Ronan O’Gara (Cork Constitution and Ireland), Jonny Wilkinson (Newcastle and England), Matt Dawson (Northampton and England), Austin Healey (Leicester and England), Rob Howley (Cardiff and Wales)

Still, Barnsey just winked that wink of his, reckoned they play pretty all right, plus I oughta look out for this Balshaw bloke ’cause he’s great under a high ball. Fair dos, I’ll look out for him.

And with an ounce of luck, if Poey’s The Big Kahuna comes through with the dysentery call, I’ll be out there to claw his canastas off and hang ’em on me car radio aerial!

Anyrate, gotta go. Ping-pong again tonight, got a gutful of beans and cabbage, only I might have overdone it. Gotta really go!

Catch yers later,


This entry was posted in James' Unwanted Guests, Lions 2013 and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1,018 Responses to Not The Honey Badger Diaries (III)

  1. firstdifference says:

    Caligula was the first Roman Emperor to be assassinated

    This didn’t have anything to do with anchovy butter on steak sandwiches, however.

  2. flair99 says:

    Don’t know if this has been mentionned before but here is the Argentina squad for this summer (vs England and Georgia) : B. Agulla, Ascarate, Baez, Bustos Moyano, Bustos, Carrio, Contepomi, Cubelli, De la Vega, Farias Cabello, Glarza, Garcia Veiga, Gomez Kodela, Guidone, Henn, Landajo, Leonardi, Lozada, Macome, Madero, Montero, Orlando, Postiglioni, Roan, Tiesi, Urdapilleta, Vallejos Cinalli, Vergallo.

    I don’t know what England can learn from their tour since this is not much better than a “C” squad as all the following players will be missing: H. Agulla, Albacete, Ayerza, Bosch, Camacho, Carizza, Creevy, Fernandez-Lobbe, Fernandez, Figallo, Gonzalez Amorosino, Guinazu, Hernandez, Imhoff, Leguizamon, Lobo, Orlandi, Rodriguez Gurruchaga, Sanchez, Senatore and Tuculet, all preserved for the 4 Nations.

  3. hairbearhero says:

    As for the Bran bit, in fairness, that little bit where Osha looked to Hodor to back her up and he stares at her for a moment before going, ‘Hodor?’ was comedy gold.

    Hodor is truly wise. Loved that moment.

    In the interests of avoiding spoilers, I will say only that the book ends with her in a different city altogether.

    Ah, didn’t realise that city was in ASoS. I can remember most of the details of all the various plots, but I read the books back to back in about 2 or 3 weeks so struggle to pin down where one stops and the other begins.

    Think this season in general has been much better than 2 but possibly still a bit behind season 1, mainly because the plot of AGoT lends itself much better to a TV series.

  4. laraxwell says:

    This didn’t have anything to do with anchovy butter on steak sandwiches, however.
    He was also a perverse -sexually but possibly a food pervert too
    more to the point?

  5. firstdifference says:

    @ Lara
    Anchovy butter on steak or beef is a classic combination and it’s delicious. Nothing perverted about it.

  6. CJ says:

    FD, how could an anchovy every appear on a beef naturally? it is therefore an affront to god.

  7. sagmog says:

    Have to side with the Australian Delta here.
    Not on a steak sandwich though.
    A small pat of anchovy butter on a nice rib-eye though…

  8. firstdifference says:

    @ CJ

    But not the Porce-Cat.

  9. laraxwell says:

    anchovy worked great with slow cooked braised beef/ stews but wouldn’t adapt in in a steak sandwich.
    Don’t want my steak dominated

  10. Craigsman says:

    I’ve enjoyed all the series really and can’t wait for the Iron Islanders to get more involved. Love how ridiculous Brienne looked in the dress.

  11. firstdifference says:

    @ Lara
    If you’re already covering it with bread and caramelized onions too late. I am not saying a whole slab just a very little.

  12. laraxwell says:

    then again I wouldn’t put blue cheese on a burger for the same reason
    but so many do

  13. sagmog says:

    then again I wouldn’t put blue cheese on a burger for the same reason
    but so many do

    ‘Swhy many shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions for themselves.
    “Can I have blue cheese on that?”
    Fuck off.

  14. flaviafamkesandwich says:


    got yer brumail…have yer number, expect a text in the early hours of the morning, I wonder what BBC4 have lined up for later??

  15. elsnoopio says:

    Anchovy butter ona steak = blue cheese ona burger

  16. elsnoopio says:

    Though if you’re eating a cheap burger or steak, go crazy since it won’t really have a flavour to ruin.

  17. sagmog says:

    If it’s a nice thick steak with plenty of char, it can take a little anchovy butter.
    Not a lot.
    A little.

  18. Craigsman says:

    I’m fairly liberal when it comes to food.

    I’m very liberal when it comes to condiments. Bacon sarnie + ketchup + HP sauce + Dijon mustard.

  19. CJ says:

    “I’m very liberal when it comes to condiments. Bacon sarnie + ketchup + HP sauce + Dijon mustard.”

    Blog to explode in 3 ….. 2 ….. 1…..

  20. Craigsman says:

    Steak and hot pepper sauce… mmmmmm

  21. Craigsman says:

    When pissed once I invented the ‘5 second bruschetta’.

    Preparation time: 3 seconds
    Cooking time: 2 seconds
    1 slice of bread
    1 squirt of tomato ketchup

    Combine on one side of the bread. Fold so that the ketchup is inside the fold. Munch. Repeat.

  22. Craigsman says:

    BTW – I always use wholemeal.

  23. sagmog says:

    Everything that’s wrong with free-will, right there.

  24. rachel685 says:

    @Craig, a man after my own heart. I love condiments. In fact I think of many foodstuffs primarily as delivery mechanisms for condiments.

  25. Craigsman says:

    Sag’s the dude in 50 shades.

  26. sagmog says:

    I have many pairs, but not fifty.

  27. hairbearhero says:

    On a similar note – “The Pizza Sandwich”

    – 1 slice bread
    – cheddar
    – ketchup

    S’just like a pizza, innit?

  28. Craigsman says:

    Rach – sometimes a spoon or my thumb becomes this mechanism…

  29. Craigsman says:

    HBH – does this go in the grill?

  30. firstdifference says:

    Anchovy butter ona steak = blue cheese ona burger

    This is deranged. This is the food equivalent of godwining.

  31. LarryM says:

    I made a lasagne sandwich once when smashed.

  32. Craigsman says:

    Larry – done similar although I took a partially cooked garlic bread, scooped the middle out and stuffed it with lasagne. They should make a reality TV series about this stuff.

  33. hairbearhero says:

    HBH – does this go in the grill?

    Nah. This is just a quick, basic snack.

    What you’re thinking of is the 3-minute pizza:

    – 1 tortilla
    – tomato purée
    – cheese
    – toppings

    Bang it in the grill for a couple of minutes, sorted.

  34. yesiamclutz says:

    Evening all,


    I’m a bit disappointed by that Argentina team to be honest. I thought England had picked almost the ideal development tour, but that squad would seem to negate that hope. Pity.

    Unless of course Argentina have some sort of Golden Generation coming through and England get a shoeing. 🙂

  35. firstdifference says:

    This is like the “I am Spartacus” scene. Sag won’t know who to oppress.

  36. boanova says:

    dog, stop ruining food.

    Bulldog – yes. When hungover, all food is merely a vessel for mayonnaise

  37. sagmog says:

    One of the pubs round here used to do a spaghetti sandwich.
    On the actual menu.

    Bell’s gone.

  38. hairbearhero says:

    They should make a reality TV series about this stuff.

    Not quite a reality TV series, but there is a fairly well-known youtube channel called “Drunk Cooking”, which features mindblowing recipes like all of the ones mentioned so far.

  39. CJ says:

    “I made a lasagne sandwich once when smashed.”

    this is genius, yet so simple.

  40. hairbearhero says:

    dog, stop ruining food.

    Bulldog – yes. When hungover, all food is merely a vessel for mayonnaise

    The irony is almost painful.

  41. rachel685 says:

    You want to be careful with drunk cooking, lads. I woke up on a friend’s couch just this past Sunday morning with a bloody great big burn on my arm; our detailed investigation into the unknown origins of said burn concluded that it may have had something to do with attempted cookery at 5am.

  42. CJ says:

    rachel, I once woke up to the smell of burning at 3am. My housemate had come in drunk, put sausages in a frying pan and then passed out. Luckily they were good quality sausages and not cheap and fatty or it couldve been much worse.

  43. boanova says:

    HBH – that doesn’t include making a fucking mayonnaise sandwich though. Merely only eating food that would normally be consumed with Mayonnaise, but with extra Mayonnaise.

  44. hairbearhero says:

    This is why I go as far as sandwiches, and no further.

  45. boanova says:

    I made a lasagne sandwich once when smashed

    in my mind you made the lasagne from scratch, then added bread.

  46. hairbearhero says:

    Let’s not forget the classic sugar butty, or it’s latino cousin the sugar-butter-tortilla.

  47. hairbearhero says:

    Eergh. I’m more ashamed of that apostrophe misuse than my mangling of food.

  48. yosoy says:

    Shepherd’s Pie sandwich.

    It was pretty bad, even though I was pissed.

  49. sagmog says:

    Your apostrophe is fine HBH.
    Let’s = Let us.
    Apostrophe justified.

  50. Craigsman says:

    Rach – can’t cut yourself one bread

  51. firstdifference says:

    “It’s”, Sag, was the problem.

    This is fun clip from the 1989 Waratahs Lions game. Turns out respect for the ref isn’t an old fashioned virtue on two occasions the referee gets either grabbed by a player or shunted by one. Also, gratuitous punching in the ruck at 4.40 not even mentioned by the referee.

  52. MichaelVaughanMyLord says:

    160 – 4 at close.

    NZ will definitely be the happier of the two sides but clearly it’s not a pitch where you can blast teams out, so a draw looks on the cards especially if we get much rain over the weekend.

  53. dermott says:

    Ah, Poido.

  54. Borderboy says:

    Sod all this fancy food lark – tea tonight – haggis supper from the local chippie. Nothing better.

  55. firstdifference says:

    Sod all this fancy food lark – tea tonight – haggis supper from the local chippie. Nothing better.

    Just add some anchovy butter.

  56. firstdifference says:

    @ Dermott,
    How are you feeling about the Tahs-Ponies game this weekend ?

  57. yesiamclutz says:

    Blurgh… whoever first ate an anchovy must have been very disappointed.

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